I don't know how to cope with employment

I just didn't get a fair chance at education

Well, you didn't miss much.  I am overeducated despite having a very rough school career, where I missed years of schooling and I went through special schools which were almost mental institutions.

The biggest memory I have of higher education is the incredible snobbery of my fellow students.  Many went to private schools, grammar schools and they look down at the local population as sub human garbage.

None of us do but Autistic or not we still have to work unless you Wana be homeless or have no money left after paying rent. Nothings free online but you can go part time if your struggling. Maybe reduce your hours. I hate work as much the next person. Try doing a meaningless kitchen porter due to lack of qualifications even you have higher IQ than the majority of people you work for or with. I just didn't get a fair chance at education as I wasnt assesed propperly as child so now have to pay the price by working along side stupid in shity minimum wage paid comes even though had I of been assed when I was younger and given the correct support then I could of had the potential to of made something of my life. 

I'm glad it was helpful for you:

Here's a wee list to help you try small exposures:

1. Identify small things that prevent you going out and pick one to work on. ( Example, loud noises and bright lights)

2. Wear headphones and shades to help with the first experience of going outside.

3. Break the exposure into manageable chunks and practice each part until the anxiety is manageable. (If your general anxiety is bad on that day, do less exposure)

4. One chunk might be walking across the street and coming back with one person or alone.  Another step might be walking to a pre agreed destination that you know with a person or meeting that person there but going alone then walking back together.  Another way could be to get the group of people to take you to a place on a regular day at the same time, reduce the number of people going until it's you alone.  Practice breathing through the anxiety and concentrating on the music you are hearing on your headphones.  A park is good so you can swing to stim and calm down.  When you are feeling less anxious head back home.   The next step would be to stay in the park/place a little longer each time.

I think you get the general picture?

I hope this helps. :-)

Thank you so much for your reply.  It really means a lot to me.  I've never had exposure therapy just lots of CBT and a psychologist when I was a child who just told me to stop being so selfish.  I'm going to try with a little walk on my own initially (once Christmas is out of the way) because the last one I tried was back in October and I had to get my son to rescue me as I was so anxious.  I'm then hoping to build on from that.

Thanks again for your time and your reply.

It's so wonderful to read that it's not just me.  I think the pandemic has created many 'working from home' situations where people with our issues can cope.  I love working with kids too and was a childcare worker before I had my daughter but the noise is way too much for me.  I am realising more and more what my triggers are so have more of a game plan and more tools in my coping kit which's good.  It seem many people on here have high levels of anxiety which's no wonder given our life experiences.  The good thing is realising that it's a possible Autistic thing and not a 'broken' thing. :-) I guess my advice to you would be to tackle the smallest things that increase your anxiety and face them until the become bearable with lots of rests afterwords.  Building on this you will hopefully be able to do more things independently for short periods of time with a view to longer periods depending on your emotions that day.  I'm sure psychologists will have done exposure therapy with you though? :-)

Wow - reading your reply was like reading my own thoughts.  I too am educated to degree level but I just can't keep a job and I can't cope with too much responsibility - I just get so anxious and then shutdown.  I currently work as a teaching assistant - I couldn't complete my PGCE to be a teacher due to another shutdown years ago so I chose to be a teaching assistant as I enjoy and am good with children, however I'm so anxious I'm currently off ill and I can't see how I'll ever return.  I too have considered working from home and I think that is the way I'll have to go in the future because I just can't see how I can work when I can't leave the house without husband or sons.

I am so glad you wrote a detailed post of your employment challenges.  It was like I had written it myself.  I really know how you are feeling with all the you have discussed from the work environment through to the types of people in it and how management have handled things.  Your experiences really resonate with me and I am relieved to hear that it's not just me.  I do not work and have been deemed as having 'limited capacity' for work due to Anxiety.  This crushed me and gave me a breather.  It crushed me because, like you, I am educated to degree level in a few areas.  It gave me a breather because of the work/get ill cycle.  I was with Fairstart Scotland who had very understanding work coaches and counselling services yet they were unable to help me find employment suitable for my needs as a single parent to a child with Autism (and now possibly being Autistic myself).  The more I read about peoples struggles in these community pages, the more I feel I am not alone.  From reading what you have written, my advice to you is to make steps to work from home where you have the surroundings you need.  Whether this is a new position that you apply for or if your current employer can make adjustments to help with happen.  It sounds to me that it is the environment (people and office space) that cause you stress.  These are the things that majorly increase my anxiety which's why I understand.  Thank you for your post.  Best of luck with everything.

Interesting, thank you for the additional insight. I think there must be a lot of variety depending on sector, specific job type within that etc. I guess I was trying to provide some areas of hope / possibility beyond what you might initially think. It is probably worth looking anyway, you never know what might turn up.

Autimator said:

You can also focus on employers that are disability friendly, if you go on https://findajob.dwp.gov.uk/ you can search for jobs in your area and then click on the Disability Confident link to only see those jobs

Also, jobs in the public sector are often more understanding of NAT people

Quoted these together, granted it is usually public sector organisations that have Disability Confident, but all jobs I've seen at the organisations locally are scripted as involving public contact and inevitably requiring "excellent communication skills" in Person Specifications.

I would also say another positive right now is that working from home is the new normal, and this is good for so many ASD people. So maybe write that down too? That means that you may be able to apply for jobs that aren't even local

Not so sure about that, for people that already had a job their employer could set them up for working from home, but for those who didn't it has made it even more difficult being on the outside, I find video calls as difficult as phones.  Jobs I'd seen advertised for working from home were phone customer service anyway.

Go part time I couldn't cope with full time either due to meltdowns when I got to overwhelmed with stress. But now I have a part time job in a nursing home on a bank contract just washing dishes and a bit of kitchen work but hey least I don't have to deal with the general public anymore like i did in retail

Hi,

I am recently diagnosed and new to this Community, so only seeing your post now.

I am sure things will work out for you, it's just a question of getting a lucky break and also trying to think hard about what kind of work suits you best. Maybe write down a list?

With my form of ASD I would be rubbish at and would hate doing any kind of customer service or customer interaction job. It would trigger all of my anxiety attacks, stress, and like you I would probably cope though alcohol. So I would go the opposite of that, and that is sort of what I have ended up doing myself in my life.

You have managed to get a degree in a science subject. That is amazing!!! Well done, it is a great achievement. It shows that in the right environment you can achieve great things. So I would hold on to that thought every day. Write a note saying what you achieved and pin it to your wall or door? What that means is you can do that in future, it is a matter of finding the right kind of employer and job.

There are so many jobs which have data work, research, written communication as the main skill, that I am sure you will find one that works for you. Also, jobs in the public sector are often more understanding of NAT people. I now work in the public sector and the environment is much better for me.

Do you know much about data science, have you learned to code? With a science degree your brain is probably quite good at logic and that is what coding is. There are loads of jobs that require coding as a skill, and or working with data sets, and have minimal interaction with other people.

I would also say another positive right now is that working from home is the new normal, and this is good for so many ASD people. So maybe write that down too? That means that you may be able to apply for jobs that aren't even local, so you have more opportunities.

Good luck with it and please do let me know how you are getting on or if I can help more.

You might want to spend some time thinking about what sort of jobs you are suited to, or volunteer for while to gain some experience.   If you have skills in something then self-employment might be something to think about.  Also, look out for free courses to develop yourself - you can search on the National Careers Service website for them.

You can also focus on employers that are disability friendly, if you go on https://findajob.dwp.gov.uk/ you can search for jobs in your area and then click on the Disability Confident link to only see those jobs.  Doesn't mean they will all understand autism, or want to make adjustments, but it will be more likely.

Robert124 said:

I've been ordered by my universal credit workcoach to watch YouTube videos on body language and interview skills in order to improve.

Hello Robert124, two months on I wondered how you'd been getting on.  What strikes me is that "ordering" you to watch such videos to "improve" ought to be called out as discrimination on their part, especially if there was any direct threat of sanction if you couldn't improve, as they ought to realise that such imperfections in body language are a permanent part of the condition.  Could a disability adviser explain as much to that workcoach, or possibly someone from the NAS to put it in writing to them?  They, in turn, should be "ordered" to watch this NAS "Could you stand the rejection" video.

Robert124 said:

I've been sacked by several employers and told that I'm unemployable.

Are you in contact with any of them such that they could put it in writing to this workcoach?  This is what is so difficult about the "abyss" (as I described it on this other thread) between being nowhere near impaired enough to be deemed an ESA/PIP case, yet too impaired to be employers' first choice, in that ESA/PIP relies on clinical evidence from GPs but our condition isn't 'clinical' as such not needing medication or GP contact.

Robert124 said:

What I hate is being told by employment advisors, is that I should take any work, just to get off benefits, and then look for more suitable jobs while I'm in employment. Then, at real interviews I get told to my face, that in their opinion, I don't really want this job, I'm just applying to get off benefits and they think I will leave as soon I find something better, so they won't give me this job because if I leave they will need to go through the recruitment process again.

Employment advisors are out of touch with the concept that employers often reject 'overqualified' applicants.  The work coaches and advisors' role ought to be moved towards more proactive with employers, to introduce us to where they would value our strengths in roles to use them, without trying to 'therapise'/'coach' us on the things we are never going to change by definition of the condition.

NAS15878 said:

I wish industries made vacancies especially for people on the spectrum, as working is really one of the hardest parts of life for me as well.

Agreed, customer/supplier/public contact and "excellent communication skills" seems to be scripted into every job description but large companies and public sector organisations must have many tasks that would suit us, if they could only put them in seperate roles.

The best way to make work life more tolerable, or at least controllable, it to be self-employed.

It's a lot of hard work, is risky and lacks the support that employment brings

I've always been wary of over-suggestion of self-employment for Aspergers as it involves a lot of communication skill in developing a business plan, selling, marketing and dealing with bank manages, solicitors and auditors.  Good luck to anyone that goes for it and does well that way but it is not for everyone.

Haha, so familiar

Yup, I was a bit too into certain types of scifi, often structured around post scarcity society.

UBI would be a great thing, but I don't think it will ever happen in any useful way in my lifetime. Not until society decouples value from effort. Greed, productivity, and perpetual growth are too ingrained in our psyche at the moment.

Orwell. :) 

I detest, no wait. I loathe networking. It's completely horrendous.

What I have found is that at trade shows with equipment in my field, I'd have a sort of natural connexion to the engineers who created it.The ADHD ones especially find my autistic traits 'grounding', so somehow without really trying, I manage to make friends.

Are there conferences you can go to? Sometimes 70% of the work is just showing up.  

The last one I was at, I just made my way to the bar and stood there rather awkward, and the ADHD female in the room chatted me up! (both female, new friend). I also sat in the designated cafe for a bit, chatted with the seemingly autistic photographer and 2 women at the table next to mine were talking about something I'm quite knowledgable on for their clients. When it became unbearable I apologised and said that maybe I could help them, which I could. After all, that was what we were all there for. Going to lectures is also useful. In fields of Science and Art, people desperately need experts. They need the eccentric individual who can give them the things they overlook. It doesn't mean I have a whole new list of clients or fantastic new contracts, but I've expanded my connexions a bit and feel like I do have something to offer and at least there are possibilities. 

How extensive can you become? Can you mentor at the University you went to? Dealing with one human at a time is much more easy for me. Are there events on the edge of the scope of your understanding? What are all of your interests? What about foraging or finding new organisms?

I have simple rules I follow -I'm still someone it can take years to get to know, so basic rules of engagement are incredibly useful. Humans want to feel valuable and respected. So kindness goes far. Both meditation and religion presume everyone is worthwhile and that internal intentional thought about others, creates a genuine expression. This helps with purposefully asking others about themselves. But I also take into mind the external world I create around me. Appearance can be difficult. For females we cannot do much in society without it. At one point I was not given a job due to my negligence over appearance. From that moment on, I changed everything. When I younger, there was an artist in my town who wore the same black suit through the winter and the same white suit through the summer. HIs aesthetic was amazing add he sort of looked like Andy Warhol. He became my ideal. I just committed to a female version. 

Events are incredibly exhausting, so properly designated and planned in detail just like a holiday. I have one 4 day conference every other year. I do a weeks worth of prep, and block out days after to recover. 

Sure would be nice if there was a financial floor people can live on regardless of who they are or what they can do.

I get a similar feeling when it comes to things I should be doing. Especially when it's something I've been told I have to do. Forcing it leads to something like a child having a tantrum in my head, refusing to eat their vegetables.

Haha, yes.

It can be hard to get going, especially if you have no funding. But many things can be started with very few resources.

MOTIVATION is probably the hardest thing for me. I hate work, I hate the concept of employment and working for pay. But that is the society we find ourselves in.

I even find it hard to motivate myself to do the things I want to do and enjoy doing. I'd rather spend my time doing nothing.

Unfortunately, there's no secret vault full of motivation. It comes and it goes. For me, motivation will often appear when the financial situation is getting dire, but that isn't always the case...

Another issue for me, I usually want to be doing something other than what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time. Whether that's autism or something else at play, I don't know.

I agree. Getting there is the hard part. Finding something that gives my brain any happy chemicals anymore is tough, finding the motivation to really work at it is tough too.  But, maybe, I can slowly get there.

The best way to make work life more tolerable, or at least controllable, it to be self-employed.

It's a lot of hard work, is risky and lacks the support that employment brings, but it allows you to carve a work path in the way you want.

Find something you enjoy and are good at, and try to make a business out of it.