Recently diagnosed: struggling to accept

NAS75891 said:

After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week.

This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense. Think of another life, a parallel world in which you either couldn't afford a private clinic. Would you be tormented then by not knowing? Think of another life, a parallel world in which you died and never suspected for a second you were autistic and never found out. 

As the great Mark Twain famously said,“ I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” If you want sadness and depression live in your remembered past. If you want fear and anxiety, live in your imagined future. If you want to live in peace, live in the present.

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense.

Rejoice / relief: I don't understand this comment. It seems to me some people 'want' this diagnosis as if it's some kind of award and they've joined a select club (it sort of is and I'm now in it though I wouldn't seek this). We don't always 'seek diagnosis' - we are mostly looking for clarification. Diagnosis can deny or disagree as well as confirm.

'The least you could do is show appreciation' - we don't know the background of people who opt for the private route - perhaps they don't trust the NHS' mental health system, perhaps they were in a position where they couldn't wait so long - the length of the wait does rather indicate how low a priority it is.

'Going to such expense' - there's a value judgement right there - my experience of being and working with others facing prejudice is that they're mostly compassionate towards others facing similar.

We must agree to disagree I feel.

Pegasus

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense.

Rejoice / relief: I don't understand this comment. It seems to me some people 'want' this diagnosis as if it's some kind of award and they've joined a select club (it sort of is and I'm now in it though I wouldn't seek this). We don't always 'seek diagnosis' - we are mostly looking for clarification. Diagnosis can deny or disagree as well as confirm.

'The least you could do is show appreciation' - we don't know the background of people who opt for the private route - perhaps they don't trust the NHS' mental health system, perhaps they were in a position where they couldn't wait so long - the length of the wait does rather indicate how low a priority it is.

'Going to such expense' - there's a value judgement right there - my experience of being and working with others facing prejudice is that they're mostly compassionate towards others facing similar.

We must agree to disagree I feel.

Pegasus

I know autism is not a disease, I know it's not a source of shame. There is, however, a need to be cautious who we disclose it to because we cannot know how the other person or organisation is going to respond. Not everyone will respond positively (some bully us and some abuse us) and it's really important to consider that if your livelihood or your future treatment or care is at stake.

The OP is recently diagnosed and struggling to accept (and I am similar) we are both processing the information.

I left off posting my reply because I found your response really angry and upsetting. Unfortunately, I seem to have a history in life for saying the wrong thing and being called 'negative' if I offer a different view from the norm. I was reluctant to post anything again after this because it just triggered memories of being controlled through being silenced.

I am sorry if I upset you. I regret it upset me too.

Ouch! I feel suitably told off.

I accept that some people feel the need to 'celebrate' their neurodiveristy. I don't. Celebrating and rejoicing seems hollow and infantilising to me. I know from experience that having autism isn't always a 'good thing' in every setting - we / I can be hard work when we get going. Perhaps this is an example of the 'rigid thinking' we hear so much about.

If someone disagrees with me that's fine. If you think I have a negative attitude that's fine too. My opinion is just that, my opinion. It doesn't make it less valid or less true for me (or you or anyone else) because it's 'negative'. It's just a different voice that would still like to be heard and acknowledged. I can acknowledge you have a different opinion to me - it doesn't mean I must agree.

Pegasus said:

Rejoice / relief: I don't understand this comment.

Autism is not a disease, nor is it a source of shame. Many people would and do celebrate their neurodiversity—and to celebrate is synonymous with to rejoice.  Not that it matters, but there are many people who would not accept nor recognise the negative attitudes towards neurodiversity implicit in your response to my comment.

I did not reply to a post you made nor was I seeking your agreement. So, whether you agree with my thoughts or not is irrelevant to me.

Let me clear up a few points that you have clearly misunderstood from my comments, or voluntarily chosen to misinterpret. I suggested that the poster might want to thank and appreciate 'themself' for waiting for so long and for paying for a private assessment. I made no value judgment on choosing a private clinic over the NHS. You may want to re-read my post, or not.  In addition, I cannot begin to imagine what is in your mind that would cause you to mention awards and select clubs.  I suggested that after twenty years of suspecting autism, the positive diagnosis might come as a sense of relief, and as an occasion for celebration. That's a perfectly valid response to a diagnosis of autism, especially after such a long period of time.

Autism is not a disease, not is it a source of shame. Many people would and do celebrate their neurodiversity—and would not recognise the negative attitudes towards their neurodiversity implied in your response to my comments.

Have a happy life.