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Recently diagnosed: struggling to accept

NAS75891

After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week. Leading up to the assessment I was worried I was just being a hypochondriac and was fairly convinced I would not be diagnosed.   Anyway I was. (It was private but at a reputable place with a clinical psychologist- I did my research) 

After the initial relief,  I’m now in a spiral of obsessive checking and reading of autism related articles/books etc to convince myself the diagnosis is correct. Basically back to square one. 

My brain is saying to just live my normal routine for a few weeks and experience my normal life with this new perspective (I’m off work til next week so I don’t really have to do anything) and also wait for the written report which won’t be ready for a few weeks.

But I just can’t seem to do the logical thing. I keep ruminating about not having enough restricted behaviours or sensory issues to meet the criteria . (There is no doubt whatsoever about the social interaction side!!!)  I feel kind of paralysed and I can’t keep off the Internet. 

Is this sort of thing common? Can anyone relate? 

Parents
  • NAS75891 said:
    After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week.

    This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense. Think of another life, a parallel world in which you either couldn't afford a private clinic. Would you be tormented then by not knowing? Think of another life, a parallel world in which you died and never suspected for a second you were autistic and never found out. 

    As the great Mark Twain famously said,“ I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” If you want sadness and depression live in your remembered past. If you want fear and anxiety, live in your imagined future. If you want to live in peace, live in the present.

Reply
  • NAS75891 said:
    After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week.

    This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense. Think of another life, a parallel world in which you either couldn't afford a private clinic. Would you be tormented then by not knowing? Think of another life, a parallel world in which you died and never suspected for a second you were autistic and never found out. 

    As the great Mark Twain famously said,“ I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” If you want sadness and depression live in your remembered past. If you want fear and anxiety, live in your imagined future. If you want to live in peace, live in the present.

Children
  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕
    ☕Tassimo ☕ said:
    This should surely then be a moment for you to rejoice?  If you have suspected you were autistic for the last twenty years, does it not follow that receiving a positive diagnosis after such a long period comes as momentous relief? You've waited for twenty years. You've spent a large amount of money on a private assessment. The least you could do for yourself is to show appreciation. You might also want to thank yourself for waiting for so long and for going to such expense.

    Rejoice / relief: I don't understand this comment. It seems to me some people 'want' this diagnosis as if it's some kind of award and they've joined a select club (it sort of is and I'm now in it though I wouldn't seek this). We don't always 'seek diagnosis' - we are mostly looking for clarification. Diagnosis can deny or disagree as well as confirm.

    'The least you could do is show appreciation' - we don't know the background of people who opt for the private route - perhaps they don't trust the NHS' mental health system, perhaps they were in a position where they couldn't wait so long - the length of the wait does rather indicate how low a priority it is.

    'Going to such expense' - there's a value judgement right there - my experience of being and working with others facing prejudice is that they're mostly compassionate towards others facing similar.

    We must agree to disagree I feel.

    Pegasus

  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕

    I know…it’s daft.  Thank you for taking the time to reply.