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Mother daughter relationships

Bramble

Hi

2 years ago I was diagnosed (as an adult) with Autism.

To a large extent I have accepted the diagnosis and worked past the deficits based assessment etc to be able to now identify positively with the diagnosis, however there is one aspect of the diagnosis that I find challenging that I have been stuck on for quite a while.

My mum died before I had the understanding that I was autistic. My autism I feel had a big impact on the difficulties with a sense of connection that we could feel with each other and I wish that we had the understanding that I have now when I was child so that we could have worked through those challenges which I think would have resulted in a closer connection and better relationship. I think that it is for this reason that I have recently transferred some of that longing for maternal closeness to another relationship in my life which is problematic for me as I realise that I am doing it and don’t want to as I realise ultimately this is unhealthy for what is essentially a friendship. 

Can anyone relate/ help?

Parents

  • I have the same with my father

    My father has never understood me. I've never been able to relate to his jokes, when he pokes fun at me I don't understand I take it very personally, then to him I am oversensitive or hysterical or 'cant take a joke'.

    I wish my parents had realised I am autistic, even to this day I doubt they would believe me which is why I don't share my diagnosis with them.

    I think this is common, when we lack something from our parents we search for it elsewhere. In school I became extremely attached to my form tutor because I felt such a father-daughter connection to him. He was the first man to ever really treat me like a human being and try to understand me. I still talk to him to this day, however in my subconscious I recognise it's probably an unhealthy 'friendship'

    I don't think you're alone in this, I think many people can relate. 

  • in reply to miaxx

    Thank you so much for your reply. It is good to know that I am not alone and your reply helped validate my experience which helps.

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