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Relationships and dating

JackF

Oftentimes I struggle with relationships. From learning about social impairment on the Understanding Autism course I hope to find a way to relate to others. I am not trying to reach out to anybody at the moment with any promises of intimacy. The COVID relief needs to subside more. I find that coming to terms for my desires happens to be difficult and I do not know the best way to express myself.

Any approach might begin with dining at a restaurant by myself expecting to meet another individual also dining alone in the hopes of meeting someone. With this, the gap is so big since my work hours do not help to have supper at a restaurant and I still live with my parents so I need another goal in mind.

  • in reply to M

    This doesn't sound like a happy situation, Michelle.

  • in reply to JackF

    I think there are a lot of pressures in life. Intimacy can be found without a traditional relationship. Loneliness can be eased without that too. I suggest focusing on finding like-minded friends first and forget about the dating. I wish I could start over and I'd definitely seek out friendship first and see if intimacy developed with someone as a result of that, rather than dating and seeking physical attraction...

  • in reply to M

    Thank you for your post, Michelle.

    Not seeing anybody I would call friend. Honestly when leaving England for America and returning to England when leaving any so-called 'friends' behind.  I had a girlfriend in America where we met at autism meetings with whom we shared intimacy but she wanted a promise and I was not able to provide her that. Our ideal shared house situation did not take place.

    That's a good point to mention in sharing financial responsibilities, Michelle. I see Internet training videos to bring out the 'warrior man' but I tend to shy away from those responsibilities of relationships, money and spirituality forming a triangle in the man.

  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕

    Thank you for your post, Tassimo.

    In conclusion, I remember step by step a way of asking someone potential whether they would become wife. The first step begins with finding out whether she is from planet Nebulon.. As a result I have been shown the movie scene from 'Wolf on Wall Street' when all the phones begin to ring and everyone is talking over during the beginning of the day when American stock market opens.

    As for when fate and destiny bring love and romance into my life, I wish the jump does not have to be from the age that I am now to the age of the senior couples that I see, holding hands when walking along the pavement.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thank you for your post, Mariusz.

    In conclusion, an ideal family situation with father, mother, child and a house to own plus pet surrounded by a white picket fence.

    Question: Do you know the name of the app that he uses?

  • I'm a married autistic woman. My relationship is a nearly constant struggle/battle and probably more hassle than it is worth. Do you have friends? Pre-relationship I found intimacy in my friendships. The downside to this is that you never get to share financial responsibilities with someone else and for many people this is necessary to take steps to live independently from parents. 

    I feel trapped in my relationship... 

  • Hello Jaques. I think dating, romance and love can be major hurdles (and often the source of major traumas) for all people, regardless of their neurotype. We mustn't forget that the laws of love and romance are not governed by any predictable scientific model, but by cosmic laws of fate and destiny.

    So, if you're looking for love, then the only things that are required of you are to a) maintain good personal hygiene, b) dress reasonably fashionably, c) love and understand yourself, and d) really enjoy your life without a partner. 

    All these will ensure you are prepared for when fate and destiny bring love and romance into your life. It's a bit like make sure you're wearing clean underwear in case you get hit by a bus... perhaps not that exact analogy, but along those lines.


  • my autistic workmate uses online dating apps and he did go on multiple dates with few girls so far