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How to fit in ?

Vibh86 (She/Her)

Fellow Autistic beings, 

I've usual struggles like you, and struggling to fit in. Despite of being caring and humane, I was called "machine like" and many other names throughout my life. I struggle to accept those labels, but shamelessly still trying to fit in. It would be great to hear your experience and if anyone finally found their place within typical neurological beings? 

I do have to fit in because I need employment until the end. Please please please, suggest how to fit in and build rapport with people? 

Many thanks!

  • in reply to The Riddler

    I push them to stop judging and ridiculing, once they realise that I am amazing worker they do not want to lose me

  • I realise this doesn’t really answer your question, but I fundamentally object to the idea the we have to fit in to an NT’s society. Surely in a world  where you can be gay, bi, trans, identify as you feel. Expect equal treatment as black, white, asian, etc (as it should be) Autistics can behave in a way that makes them feel as comfortable as possible, without being judged or ridiculed? 

    Or is that just a romanticised pipe dream!

  • in reply to Vibh86 (She/Her)

    And don't forget about reasonable adjustments an employer should make to to remove or reduce the effect of an employee's disability so they can do their job/ a job applicant's disability when applying for a job.

  • in reply to Vibh86 (She/Her)

    Interviews, no, I was never lucky to get through

    but If I find a kind soul that helps me get a job where they work, then over time I will find that spark in each colleague and bond, being the best worker ever seen helps to survive until then

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thanks Mauriusz, that sounds like a plan. Also easier. I'm very efficient when given a specific advise. I can easily adopted this one. "Look for a spark and build upon it" 

    How do you get through interviews? Short period to build rapport? 

  • I have only solution that require time.

    Find a crazy spark in a person, and then ignite it so to say, use that to connect, surprisingly it works.

  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕

    Thanks, Tassimo. It's a great piece of advise. If I don't try to become 'normal', I'll be kicked out. At least that's my experience of past 35 years. 

    I'll try again. Thanks for coming out to help. 

    Best (Vibh - She/Her)

  • Hello, Mr Anonymous.

    I'm certain that the very instant you start being caring and humane towards yourself, you will no longer feel the need to try to fit in anywhere. If you treat yourself with the dignity and respect any human being deserves, you'll know that you fit in quite well just as you are. As yourself. And any attempt at being someone else will have the opposite effect. And leave you unhappy and stressed.

    Think about it objectively, if you were to make a friend or family member 'fit' in by shaming them into changing their behaviour, and/or mimicking everyone else around them, it would feel like abuse—an act of bulling. Why would we want to try to force another human being to be something they are not? It's actually abuse. And you've been abusing yourself!

    Strop trying to fit in. Start loving yourself and treating yourself with kindness, compassion and dignity and that will set the standard for everyone else who comes into contact with you.  If you are genuinely a caring and humane person, then it's time you began to be caring and humane towards yourself.

    Remember: Those that mind, don't matter. Those that matter, don't mind.