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Relationships - is this possible?!

Uklou222

Hi all, I have never written one of these before but I’m feeling pretty down so thought I would give it a go…

I have recently been diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 and realised pretty early on that I just wasn’t like everyone else, so as you can imagine after being diagnosed it really all clicked into place for me. 

The one thing I have really struggled with is talking to the opposite sex/getting close to them emotionally and physically. As soon as a man starts to speak to me I get instant anxiety and my initial reaction is to remove myself from the situation. I have tried sooooo many things to help get over this but nothing has worked. I’ve even tried getting drunk to see if would help me to relax but even that didn’t work! This has led to me feeling pretty hopeless and I’m honestly worried that I’m going to end up alone. I am fine speaking to people online/through texts but as soon as they start asking to meet up I find excuses not to and then eventually cut contact. This has led me to being 26 and I have never been physically close to anyone and I’m feeling constantly alone/lonely. I want to be close to someone, I just physically can’t do it!?

Gaming has always been an outlet for me and in doing that I met someone who lived in America. We were talking for well over a year and got very close and when it all ended badly it broke me. We ‘broke up’ over a year ago now and I still can’t let it go.. I’m not sure if that is an autistic thing or not, but I have a really hard time letting things go? Ive spoken to my mum about it and she thinks I tend to lean towards people who live far away or who are in relationships because I subconsciously know that it won’t go any further, if that makes sense? 

Since being a little girl my dream has always been to have children and the older I’m getting the more worried I am that I’m not going to be able to do this. I’m not really sure what I am asking but maybe would just like to know that I’m not alone? 

Parents

  • You are not alone. Until I was 27 I had had an awful time with the opposite sex. I would either push them away or get way too keen way to quickly and be too intense and drive them away. Just like you I tried to build relationships with people far away as it was less overwhelming than people nearby. I would even type in postcodes at the other end of the country on dating websites rather than meet a woman in my own town.

    Like you I could only talk to them when I was drunk and this led to me letting myself down a lot in social situations. 
    Like you I could also never let go and would pine for people Id only been on one or two dates with. I teach special needs kids and always wanted to have kids of my own but had almost given up.

    Then I met my wife and have now been married 5 years and have a little boy. 

    I just want to tell you it does get bettter. If you are honest with yourself and stay true to who you are and what you want from life then you will find it in the end.

    One thing, try not to go for so - called "normal people" I did that and had my heart broken several times. My wife went to a special needs school and is almost as confused by life as I am. Look for someone who will understand you and accept you just as you are.

    If you ever need a friend to talk to about it drop me a message

Reply

  • You are not alone. Until I was 27 I had had an awful time with the opposite sex. I would either push them away or get way too keen way to quickly and be too intense and drive them away. Just like you I tried to build relationships with people far away as it was less overwhelming than people nearby. I would even type in postcodes at the other end of the country on dating websites rather than meet a woman in my own town.

    Like you I could only talk to them when I was drunk and this led to me letting myself down a lot in social situations. 
    Like you I could also never let go and would pine for people Id only been on one or two dates with. I teach special needs kids and always wanted to have kids of my own but had almost given up.

    Then I met my wife and have now been married 5 years and have a little boy. 

    I just want to tell you it does get bettter. If you are honest with yourself and stay true to who you are and what you want from life then you will find it in the end.

    One thing, try not to go for so - called "normal people" I did that and had my heart broken several times. My wife went to a special needs school and is almost as confused by life as I am. Look for someone who will understand you and accept you just as you are.

    If you ever need a friend to talk to about it drop me a message

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