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Relationships - is this possible?!

Uklou222

Hi all, I have never written one of these before but I’m feeling pretty down so thought I would give it a go…

I have recently been diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 and realised pretty early on that I just wasn’t like everyone else, so as you can imagine after being diagnosed it really all clicked into place for me. 

The one thing I have really struggled with is talking to the opposite sex/getting close to them emotionally and physically. As soon as a man starts to speak to me I get instant anxiety and my initial reaction is to remove myself from the situation. I have tried sooooo many things to help get over this but nothing has worked. I’ve even tried getting drunk to see if would help me to relax but even that didn’t work! This has led to me feeling pretty hopeless and I’m honestly worried that I’m going to end up alone. I am fine speaking to people online/through texts but as soon as they start asking to meet up I find excuses not to and then eventually cut contact. This has led me to being 26 and I have never been physically close to anyone and I’m feeling constantly alone/lonely. I want to be close to someone, I just physically can’t do it!?

Gaming has always been an outlet for me and in doing that I met someone who lived in America. We were talking for well over a year and got very close and when it all ended badly it broke me. We ‘broke up’ over a year ago now and I still can’t let it go.. I’m not sure if that is an autistic thing or not, but I have a really hard time letting things go? Ive spoken to my mum about it and she thinks I tend to lean towards people who live far away or who are in relationships because I subconsciously know that it won’t go any further, if that makes sense? 

Since being a little girl my dream has always been to have children and the older I’m getting the more worried I am that I’m not going to be able to do this. I’m not really sure what I am asking but maybe would just like to know that I’m not alone? 

Parents

  • Relationships can happen, but they are hard work, especially for the autistic. I have been married to an NT for almost 20 years, and though it has been far from easy, we are still together and still love each other.

    I think one thing that could help is to realise why you are so nervous when meeting someone for the first time. I know that for me it was the result of years and years of rejection, abuse and ridicule. Not surprising that we are so nervous when the outcome has persistently been so bad. I was also helped by my own discovery that meeting people is not "make or break". I can meet someone new without any expectations, without the feeling that "this is my last chance". Finally, finding out what environment and conditions of interaction make you less anxious and seeking those out. 

    If you know these, or have a better idea about them, you can seek out those situations and engage in a less stressful way. Mostly, though, being yourself, knowing that you can just walk away from someone you are not keen on, but also not feeling as though every meeting is your last chance. More than anything, though, hang in there! It can and will happen.

Reply

  • Relationships can happen, but they are hard work, especially for the autistic. I have been married to an NT for almost 20 years, and though it has been far from easy, we are still together and still love each other.

    I think one thing that could help is to realise why you are so nervous when meeting someone for the first time. I know that for me it was the result of years and years of rejection, abuse and ridicule. Not surprising that we are so nervous when the outcome has persistently been so bad. I was also helped by my own discovery that meeting people is not "make or break". I can meet someone new without any expectations, without the feeling that "this is my last chance". Finally, finding out what environment and conditions of interaction make you less anxious and seeking those out. 

    If you know these, or have a better idea about them, you can seek out those situations and engage in a less stressful way. Mostly, though, being yourself, knowing that you can just walk away from someone you are not keen on, but also not feeling as though every meeting is your last chance. More than anything, though, hang in there! It can and will happen.

Children