I know this isn’t a love advice website, but I do have AS (diagnosed at 12) and I’m not sure where to go for advice.
long story short. I think I’m in love with my bestfriend.
I’m 33, he’s 25.
We’ve been friends for 4 years now. And he’s my first real friend too. We all know what it’s like to try and make friends and it’s incredible difficult.
Between the ages of 21 and 29, I had no friends, I never left the house which made my AS and OCD a lot worse. And I didn’t get my first date till I was 25. Ive always been single, I’ve never had a bf.
He doesn’t know I have AS, but he does understand my quirks.
Hes gay too, and we sleep together from time to time, I’m not the type to hook up, and neither is he so it works out for us as it’s a lot safe and I feel comfortable.
But, I’m getting a lot of mixed feelings about stuff that’s happening and I don’t know how to deal with it. Therapy isn’t working and when I ask them what to do they just tell me I have to deal with it the best I can.
it’s gotten to the point where I’m crying in my room because I don’t know what to do.
I think I love him, I have strong feelings for him, he told me he had a date last week and he’s seeing the guy again today, it’s made me incredible depressed and jealous.
I keep thinking I wanna be with him. But at the same time, if I do date him and we end up in a relationship, I would have lost my only friend? Does that make sense? I’m also worried if I tell him it will damage our friendship and I’ll lost him?
I also feel jealous about him, he’s got loads of friends, a good job, he’s had bfs before. And when he talks about it I get jealous that it’s not me? I get jealous when he goes out with friends and I don’t have anyone else, I feel like being in a relationship would make it worse?
ive had these feels for two years now and they’re getting stronger and I don’t know what to do.
if I see him less, I’m stuck at home or stuck at work and that will make me depressed too. I try to meet other guys for dates/friends but nothing.
I feel completely lost. I hope some of this made sense 