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My husband not understanding my sons Autism

NAS74984

My son is 19 and he won’t go out, just sits in his room all day, he doesn’t like being round people, he plays his computer most of the day, he done hairdressing at collage and passed his level 3, we have been trying to get him in a job, but he has a complete meltdown over it, but now he’s done his hairdressing we are trying to get him to get a job, with no success, my husband ( his stepdad) finds it really hard to deal with, he thinks he’s lazy and doesn’t want to work, but I know as his mum that’s not the case, he’s just scared of going out in the big wide world, it’s Causing a lot of problems me and my husband have Nearly split up over it, I’m at my wits end, I have approached adult service care and apt for counselling and also to other centres for support, It just takes so long to sort out, please help me xx

Parents

  • I've been in your son's position before for a number of years. I can only think that in his mind, he's fearing that the worse things will happen when he gets a job, he might not feel prepared enough, or mentally ready for such a huge change, which creates the meltdowns. I mean, if he has a certain routine he's comfortable with, it's hard or even frightening to be dragged or forced away from it, to travel to a new place with new people, which seems like it's going to be dangerous and unpredictable. He might feel out of place in a new environment, and that can bring about anxiety. 

    I think that perhaps he could be reminded that employers don't expect new hires to be absolutely perfect, and whatever he manages to do is fine. He got through hairdressing school and everything. I mean most people (including myself) would be completely mortified to cut our own hair, and we'd rather pay people who know what they're doing to cut it for us. 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Maybe, he has figured out that whilst work was once a noble occupation where a single breadwinner could run a family, it's now a circle jerk and popularity contest where if you jump through all the ever changing hoops a young person just MIGHT qualify for a forty year mortgage 0n an ex-council house, and MIGHT be able to make every single payment whilst their income goes up and down, the value of their money goes up and down, and the TV PUMPS dissatisfaction into their lives by showing them how much better in life everyone else seems to be doing? 

    Maybe he's bright enough to see that the workplace is just like school, where the vacuous but popular kids became the bosses, the bullies became worse, and are now able to threaten you with loss of income, AND  THERE IS F.A. OPPORTUNITY OF ADVANCEMENT FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU DON'T FIT THE MOULD?

  • in reply to I Sperg

    I mean it really depends on the environment you work for and the people within that environment. There are workplace bullies, there are bullies as bosses, but not everyone is a bully, and more often than not, other people don't like bullies either. 

    But we are stuck in a stupid monetary capitalistic system, that creates inequity and different classes by default, just because some people can have more or less money than others. 

    I was thinking about creating a business to hire those on the autistic spectrum, so they can work remotely from home, and not have to be forced to socialize with others in a popularity contest, and they can use their creative and intellectual skills to create something they like. I know hard it is to be forced outside when you are struggling with a lot of things like depression, anxiety, and the like, and having to pretend you're not suffering through any of that. So it'll be nice to have work that's catered towards those on the spectrum. But that's just my idealistic mindset at play. I'm not really business savvy. I just inherently would like it if we can't fit the mould, that we create something for ourselves that fits us instead. For autistics by autistics, sort of deal.

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  • in reply to I Sperg

    I mean it really depends on the environment you work for and the people within that environment. There are workplace bullies, there are bullies as bosses, but not everyone is a bully, and more often than not, other people don't like bullies either. 

    But we are stuck in a stupid monetary capitalistic system, that creates inequity and different classes by default, just because some people can have more or less money than others. 

    I was thinking about creating a business to hire those on the autistic spectrum, so they can work remotely from home, and not have to be forced to socialize with others in a popularity contest, and they can use their creative and intellectual skills to create something they like. I know hard it is to be forced outside when you are struggling with a lot of things like depression, anxiety, and the like, and having to pretend you're not suffering through any of that. So it'll be nice to have work that's catered towards those on the spectrum. But that's just my idealistic mindset at play. I'm not really business savvy. I just inherently would like it if we can't fit the mould, that we create something for ourselves that fits us instead. For autistics by autistics, sort of deal.

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