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Trust

The Riddler

I have been thinking about this for a whil now and spent some time noticing how I interact with a variety of people. What I have come to realise more and more is, fundamentally I just don't trust other people! 

With people I've just met I don't trust they will act appropriately, be kind, considerate, non-selfish, etc, etc. Then with people I do know (and especially since getting diagnosed) I just don't believe they are being honest towards me, not judging me behind my back, and ultimately won't let me down and just turn out to be fake. 

I hate to say it, but even with my partner to some extent. It wouldn't entirely surprise me if she said she'd met someone else because I was too much to deal with! Even though at the moment she says she's not bothered about me being Aspie.

What are other people's thoughts, feelings, experience with Trust. Is it something that comes easily or something you struggle with?

Parents

  • Everywhere I've read, Autistic individuals seem to be more generous with 'trust' toward and with other Autistic individuals. There is a logic to this in spotting another who operates similar found in dependability, proven calculation of outcomes and operations of the other, and not just from an ease in conversation and relate-ability. 

    For me, Trust is used too often out of context. It is used to gaslight. It is used without respect for how it is earned. Trust is offered in degrees and can be severed in one fell swoop. We trust that drivers will stay on the correct side and maintain the rules. But what happens when they start breaking the rules (like stopping for a pedestrian when the car has the right of way). These people create 'issues' with trust. 

    Work out all the details of what trust demands. How will you allow your partner to earn your trust with your money? With your passwords? With your will? Are they willing to learn to become trustworthy or have they already proven in various ways that they cannot be relied upon. Give trust in increments (if earned). Teach others how to earn it by actively participating in earning theirs, it's a good way to structure time management, work out who is worth investing in and creating needed boundaries. 

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  • Everywhere I've read, Autistic individuals seem to be more generous with 'trust' toward and with other Autistic individuals. There is a logic to this in spotting another who operates similar found in dependability, proven calculation of outcomes and operations of the other, and not just from an ease in conversation and relate-ability. 

    For me, Trust is used too often out of context. It is used to gaslight. It is used without respect for how it is earned. Trust is offered in degrees and can be severed in one fell swoop. We trust that drivers will stay on the correct side and maintain the rules. But what happens when they start breaking the rules (like stopping for a pedestrian when the car has the right of way). These people create 'issues' with trust. 

    Work out all the details of what trust demands. How will you allow your partner to earn your trust with your money? With your passwords? With your will? Are they willing to learn to become trustworthy or have they already proven in various ways that they cannot be relied upon. Give trust in increments (if earned). Teach others how to earn it by actively participating in earning theirs, it's a good way to structure time management, work out who is worth investing in and creating needed boundaries. 

Children