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Female partner of 27 y/o with Aspergers

NAS74934

Myself (f, 24) and my partner (27, m) moved in together in march of this year and oh my gosh its been hard. I’ve been as accommodating as I can because he has moved into my house with me and we’ve been getting along amazingly but occasionally there’s moments where I’m really struggling to understand if he’s being a typical bloke or if the Aspergers side of him that’s coming out. For example, he leaves a massive mess down his side of the bed and I have to ask him to move it otherwise he never does. Its been hard and mentally straining for me because I do sometimes feel as though all the mental strain is on me. Financially were still setting up the bills and things because we’re waiting for his name to be confirmed on my tenancy agreement; which means were splitting things 50/50 and if I don’t ask for the money I don’t get it. He set up a spreadsheet and arranged a standing order for most of it but a varying amount for the electric as were on a smart meter. When I asked him about it I got a massive complicated answer that I still don’t fully understand. 

Its f****** hard sometimes because we do have small arguments but I don’t know if in his mind he’s just being logical or if were just disagreeing. The mental strain is beginning to get to me because if I don’t do anything around the house or keep mental notes on what we need or what’s happening then nothing happens. Ive tried to broach the subject before and he is good at acknowledging these things but I don’t think anything has really changed. 

I love him so much and he is so affectionate and loving but sometimes its so hard for me to understand and I want some of this mental load off my head.

Any thoughts?

Parents

  • For the money side of things we have a joint account for bills, every month we have a standing order that pays a % of our earnings which covers everything (it’s 50% each I think but not actually 50/50 because I earn a lot more) then what’s left is still completely separate rather than the old fashioned we just have one joint account between us approach (although my Dad was so awful with money that did actually work out best for my parents, if he needed cash my Mum would write the PIN number for his card on his hand. The only thing he ever really bought was fuel on his company credit card) My husband dumps everything down the side of the bed as well, he is quite blind to mess. I’ve put a small laundry basket in that general area for him to ignore but he does usually need to be told because his executive functioning is awful. I know how you mean about it being draining always having to say and you feel you shouldn’t need to explain to grown men that the washing up needs to be done everyday and once in a blue moon isn’t helpful to you. My friends have a chore chart which works for them it has the days on and jobs and then they write their names in so if it’s your day to clean the bathroom the other will have their name in the hoovering box, washing up every other day etc

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  • For the money side of things we have a joint account for bills, every month we have a standing order that pays a % of our earnings which covers everything (it’s 50% each I think but not actually 50/50 because I earn a lot more) then what’s left is still completely separate rather than the old fashioned we just have one joint account between us approach (although my Dad was so awful with money that did actually work out best for my parents, if he needed cash my Mum would write the PIN number for his card on his hand. The only thing he ever really bought was fuel on his company credit card) My husband dumps everything down the side of the bed as well, he is quite blind to mess. I’ve put a small laundry basket in that general area for him to ignore but he does usually need to be told because his executive functioning is awful. I know how you mean about it being draining always having to say and you feel you shouldn’t need to explain to grown men that the washing up needs to be done everyday and once in a blue moon isn’t helpful to you. My friends have a chore chart which works for them it has the days on and jobs and then they write their names in so if it’s your day to clean the bathroom the other will have their name in the hoovering box, washing up every other day etc

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