• Replies 14 replies
  • Subscribers 80 subscribers
  • Views 3344 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

aspbergers, should i disclose

Jazzydave

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice please.

I am a 56 year old who has lived my life thinking i was neurotypical. I have just been diagnosed as aspergers (which explains a lot of things in my life).

Im in a bit of a dilema as to whether I should tell my partner of 20 years.

We are on the point of splitting up at the moment, and we have kids together.

I dont want to blame everything on aspbergers, or grasp at straws with the relationship, but I do think its probably relavant.

If I tell her, I know she will tell kids, and Im not sure if I want them to know about it.

Has any got any advice, or been in a similar situation?

Thanks

Dave 

Parents

  • Thanks Hippo. 

    She probably does know what it is. She works with special needs children.

    Just don't want everything blamed on it

  • in reply to Jazzydave

    Well maybe your diagnosis will give her some kind of reason or answer to the questions she might have been having about the relationship.

    And you could always just say what's on your mind, and just tell her the diagnosis, but also say that you don't want to blame everything on it, but you just wanted her to know about it, and that would be a reasonable response. 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Sounds reasonable.

    It's just thing have got a bit polarised with us, and I don't want her telling the kids it's all dad's fault because he has autism.

    It's Bab to know how she'll react. But once it's out of the bag ,I can't put it back in.

    Thanks for advice hippoThumbsup

  • in reply to Jazzydave

    Well if she's like that, and faults you for having a condition that's no fault of your own, then I can understand how her reaction cause a lot of tension in the relationship. 

    If you want to keep your diagnosis private from her then do so. You are not obliged to tell anyone about your diagnosis if you don't want to, especially if you know that person will just use that information to try to hurt you, blame you, shun you, or put you down through it. I don't care what kind of family title or what kind of relation they have to you, that's just toxic. You don't have to tell her if you don't want to. 

Reply
  • in reply to Jazzydave

    Well if she's like that, and faults you for having a condition that's no fault of your own, then I can understand how her reaction cause a lot of tension in the relationship. 

    If you want to keep your diagnosis private from her then do so. You are not obliged to tell anyone about your diagnosis if you don't want to, especially if you know that person will just use that information to try to hurt you, blame you, shun you, or put you down through it. I don't care what kind of family title or what kind of relation they have to you, that's just toxic. You don't have to tell her if you don't want to. 

Children
No Data