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The only thing I want - a girlfriend - seems out of reach

Roswell

I don't really enjoy friendships or talking to people much in general. I feel anxious around many people. 

I'm not that interested in many things anymore. One of the last things I spent a lot of time doing playing video games, I've lost interest in.

I think I'm deeply depressed at being 34 and still facing rejection. I can't work because I'm severely mentally ill so it seems really hard to meet anyone.

I had my own flat twice and couldn't cope with the neighbours so am living again with my parents. My dad doesn't like me and dominates the house so I am not eating that healthily as I'm wary of using the kitchen because he's in and out of it so much.

I drink alcohol heavily more or less every day. I've only just got to this point. It was 4-5 days a week but a support worker I had became a pain and was making me feel worse so I let him go and am looking for another but no sign yet of finding someone suitable. 

I wish I had more money so I had more to offer a woman. I'm not sure women are interested in me at all. I'm shorter than the average man and am ethnically Jewish and I would say on average white men are more attractive. Even Hollywood and TV reinforces that - notice how almost all the best paid actors who play the romantic leads are tall and white. 

I found it easier to try socialising and joining things in the past because I had a deluded idea of who I was and was naive. I realise now that whatever I say or do people will always pick up something "off" about me and I'll make them feel uncomfortable and awkward and I'll be likely to be the one who has to leave the room/place because they've got more social status.

Parents

  • You're approaching this from entirely the wrong angle. It's unlikely that you can attract anyone to you with such a low opinion of yourself, Roswell. And even if you did, because you have such low self-esteem, would you even believe them if they told you they liked you?

    If you don't like yourself (not even a little bit), then how do you expect anyone else to like you? Before you can meet a girlfriend, you have to be able to meet yourself...as a friend. And intimacy with someone doesn't just happen at the snap of the fingers, it has to be earned over time through friendship, trust, and respect.  Women don't all walk around dreaming of being someone's personal mood regulator or comfort blanket. They are human beings just like you. 

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  • You're approaching this from entirely the wrong angle. It's unlikely that you can attract anyone to you with such a low opinion of yourself, Roswell. And even if you did, because you have such low self-esteem, would you even believe them if they told you they liked you?

    If you don't like yourself (not even a little bit), then how do you expect anyone else to like you? Before you can meet a girlfriend, you have to be able to meet yourself...as a friend. And intimacy with someone doesn't just happen at the snap of the fingers, it has to be earned over time through friendship, trust, and respect.  Women don't all walk around dreaming of being someone's personal mood regulator or comfort blanket. They are human beings just like you. 

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