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I started a new job last week ...

StayingAnon

I've worked as an IT Project Manager for the last six years and have been in other IT or Finance roles for the twenty+ years beforehand. I feel like I've been having communication issues throughout. I quit my last job after getting grief from senior managers for things they hadn't done. And in my job before, I upset quite a few people (never meant to) and one person quit because of me - I was trying to protect her by telling her that management were getting rid of people because of not following certain expectations, but she took it as me saying I would.

I've moved away from senior positions into a more junior position as of last week after not working for 7 months. I have had some conflict with my new boss as she's been giving me work different to what I was appointed to do and pulled me in front of management for being difficult and saying I didn't want to do certain things. I've said I'm happy to help with anything, but the job we discussed and I was appointed for is X and that's what I'm expecting to do.

Since then, she's been telling me that I'm short and rude with people, I've upset lots of people and I need to improve.

Today she said that when I met my colleagues, I got under my desk (I'm working from home) and they felt that was strange and she asked if I thought it was rude. My response was that maybe I leaned down to plug in my laptop, but I don't remember. I then got accused of claiming that the two people were lying about me getting under my desk. I said it sounds like you're saying that I got under my desk and stayed there, which would be weird, so I don't know how to respond to that.

Anyone else have this type of crap? I accept that maybe I committed a social faux par, but is it really that big a deal?

Also. I completed a HR induction health questionnaire yesterday and didn't disclose that I have an Asperger's diagnosis. With the issues I've been having, I felt that it might be used against me as I didn't say about it before. I'm still getting used to it and don't feel that it is anyone's business unless I choose to disclose it.

If I tell my new employer can they get rid of me for being Asperger's or for not disclosing it in my interviews or on the HR form?

  • in reply to Desmond79

    I've come to the conclusion that the only proper and fair way to handle the normies is to just DOMINATE them.

    If you let them just bimble on and try to "go along to get along" with Autism, you get horrible workplaces. If they all know their place, and that place is keeping me happy, then we can all get along and have a nice time whilst getting some ACTUAL productive work done..

  • I handled my last job so well, they were willing to keep me on; in spite of a bureaucratic issue which was set to disqualify me.

    That was three years ago.

  • in reply to aidie

    That happens a friend of mine, who works at Stormont.

  • in reply to StayingAnon

    It's difficult because it's like there's all this drama that I can't deal with and most certainly don't want, but I'm treated like I cause it all.

    You just described much of my prediagnosis life. Now, post diagnosis I know it is THEM who have the issue. At the moment they need lorry drivers, and it's real hard to give you their normie social *** if you are on the road...

  • in reply to aidie

    I usually attend meetings with the camera off otherwise my 4 year old will spend the whole time pulling faces so she can laugh at herself

  • in reply to StayingAnon

    I do think you are better off letting them know. Embarrased ("it's personal, you know") honesty will get you through this. Letting an informed employer know, also may mean that your particular near genius moments get used instead of discarded. (aspergers gives as well as it takes) Tell them I told you to tell them this specifically. My more brilliant moments didn't get used enough in many workplaces because the undiagnosed aspergers made me "look bad" in other areas I believe...

    Which is sad, they gave me money and didn't get the best out of me. 

  • the thing about being under the desk is a bit of an over reaction from your employer ---  people i work with have had their cats appear suddenly,  kids appearing and demanding to be heard etc 

    we love it Slight smile.  It adds fun to our meetings and my employer has the attitude that working from home is very different and odd things will happen.

    BTW i sometimes also attend meetings without  the camera on.  People i work with are fine with this.

  • in reply to Robert124
    Robert124 said:
    a colleague asked me, "are the rumours true that you're really an under cover reporter just looking for a story?"

    That sounds to me like someone messing with you? Is that what it was?

  • in reply to StayingAnon

    In one job as a support worker I was under the impression from day one that I was being given the shitiest jobs with the worse clients. The hostility from the management of the centre and senior members of staff was unbelievable.

    I didn't make any complaints, I just got on with the job, but I just couldn't understand where all this hostility was coming from.

    Two weeks into the job, a colleague asked me, "are the rumours true that you're really an under cover reporter just looking for a story?"

  • in reply to Robert124

    It's difficult because it's like there's all this drama that I can't deal with and most certainly don't want, but I'm treated like I cause it all.

    If I'm treated well, I'm a great employee (I think), but if someone accuses me of stuff, I go into analytical mode and can repeat all the things that they said wrong to me and why they're wrong (validly). That doesn't help Nerd

  • in reply to StayingAnon

    Unfortunately your experiences sound very familiar.  Whenever I start a new job things get unpleasant very quickly and management decide hiring me was a mistake and they want to get rid of me.

  • I'm at the end of the third week of my new job. It's been a complete nightmare.

    My new boss is constantly on my back because I did something she didn't like. She told me to speak to someone and I set up a meeting with them. She then sees the meeting and says I should've added her and another person, but she didn't say that in the original request. I tell her that and she bollocks me more.

    She sent me to a twice daily meeting and asked for me to do updates after each meeting. I've been sending out twice daily updates and she sent a sh*tty message (copying her boss too) saying I was only sending daily - but I have proof in my sent folder of the twice daily emails. I point that out and she then accuses me of something else.

    I've put up with this going on every day for the last few weeks. Apart from a few days where she was on leave. And even then she logged on to tell me off about something. Worse still, she constantly does it in front of other people in meetings and then another person started to join in.

    I shared with HR previously that I a have a diagnosis of Asperger's (really diagnosis is ASC, but same thing for me at least). The great thing was that the person that I spoke to has a brother with Asperger's, so she was really understanding.

    Things escalated today with my boss sending me a mail accusing me of various things that are all untrue and she copied her boss. So, I forwarded the email to HR, copying her boss like my boss did. I then spoke to my bosses boss today and explained that it's been a really horrible first few weeks and that I'm not happy with how I've been treated. They were great too and I decided to share with them that I have Asperger's.

    Then, I had to meet with my boss and her boss and go through the issues. We talked through the first accusation and I showed how she was wrong (and said I could show my email sent folder if they wanted) and she moved on to another accusation. I explained where she was wrong again, she moved to another and so on.

    Anyone else have these experiences!?

    By the way, I feel that this is all very petty and minor compared to some of the things other people have been through and detailed on the NAS forum, but I thought I'd share it in case it's something others experience in their working lives.

  • in reply to Peace Lily

    Sorry for the delay in responding. Apparently so!

  • Oh. I'm always doing things like plugging things in on camera. Is it a faux pas? 

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    The desk thing is super weird. I have no idea what's she's going on about and to be honest I'm not going to entertain any more similar conversations like that with my new boss.

    I've contacted HR to say I need to update my health questionnaire / disclosure, but want to have a discussion first. If they confirm that information provided will be kept confidential and only communicated to my colleagues with my prior agreement (who could then tell anyone) then I'll tell HR and update their online form.

    I've also contacted Remploy to get some support.

  • Can you talk to HR directly about amending the questionnaire? Do you have any other supervisors or managers you can talk to or is it just her? The desk thing is weird making me wonder if there is some cliquey type thing going on with her and whoever said you were under the desk if she started accusing you of calling other people liars

  • in reply to Caelus

    Thanks - I appreciate what you've said. I might say tomorrow. I do feel a bit apprehensive about sharing this personal information, but what you've said makes sense.

  • they wont get rid of you because of it.... they may get rid of you if they dont know and just think your normal person but not getting on with them... but if they know your asperger then it will click for them that your not being funny with them and they will accept it more.

    its more harmful to actually not tell them and have them think your a NT and acting funny with them on purpose as then they think you dont like them and are acting funny on purpose. but if they understand you have aspergers and its a conditional thing and your not acting funny with them then they will accept it and be cool and let it fly easier, and not read too much into things.