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Awaiting assessment, family disagree

C

Hi all,

This is my first post here. I wasn't sure where to turn as my mum is usually who I turn to. I'm currently awaiting assessment (October) and my mum is my 'person who knew me in childhood'. I found out this weekend that she doesn't believe I'm autistic as her partner's nephew is and I'm not like that.

I'm not sure how to process this. If I'm not autistic then why am I struggling so much? Am I faking the challenges I have? What if its like a munchausens by proxy kind of thing?

I'm female and already concerned about what assessment method will be used, I've read that some methods aren't catered to female presentations. What if my mum is right or that this is expressed in her session?

Now I'm spiralling and a little hurt but mostly confused. My mum has always been the person I turn to but now I don't know how to respond. 

Thoughts and comments?

Parents

  • My thoughts,

    Your mum is not the expert here, she knows one autistic person, and all autistic people are different, hence the term 'autistic spectrum'.

    You are not making up your struggles, why would you!

    You are the expert on your struggles, and perhaps she does not see them because when you are with her they are less obvious (I am just guessing here :) )

    Maybe print out some of the information from National Autistic Society for your mum to read, or videos as someone else suggested.

    Reassure her that autism is not caused by parenting eg  'cold mothers', this is an outdated theory, so she is not to blame.

    If it helps, reassure her that the diagnosis does not have to be made public, you only need to disclose it when you want to.

    Explain why it is important to you that you get a correct diagnosis, the benefits of a diagnosis, and if not autism, maybe they can help you with your struggles anyway.

    If you are concerned about whether the assessment will work, as you are female, that is a.more difficult question and can only suggest research, phone NAS, find out the best way to counter or mitigate this risk, and remember lots of women do get diagnosed!

    Your mother's comments this weekend don't change your autism, you are the same person you were before this weekend, but she has sown the seeds of doubt in you, try to remember how certain you were before the weekend. 

    Hope this helps. Just my thoughts.

  • in reply to Gerty

    Thank you Gerry. I'm 30 and still take my mums words seriously, occasionally as verbatim, when I shouldn't. I can't imagine how she is finding this, I gave her the choice of whether she took part and she wanted to, maybe this a way for her to protect herself? 

    I felt like I was hurting her by doing this and had forgotten why I began this journey. The hurt is a side effect but not my intention.

    Regarding the assessment, I reached out to the service today and they've confirmed the framework they will use which seems catered to all ages and sex.

    Thank you :)

Reply
  • in reply to Gerty

    Thank you Gerry. I'm 30 and still take my mums words seriously, occasionally as verbatim, when I shouldn't. I can't imagine how she is finding this, I gave her the choice of whether she took part and she wanted to, maybe this a way for her to protect herself? 

    I felt like I was hurting her by doing this and had forgotten why I began this journey. The hurt is a side effect but not my intention.

    Regarding the assessment, I reached out to the service today and they've confirmed the framework they will use which seems catered to all ages and sex.

    Thank you :)

Children
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