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Awaiting assessment, family disagree

C

Hi all,

This is my first post here. I wasn't sure where to turn as my mum is usually who I turn to. I'm currently awaiting assessment (October) and my mum is my 'person who knew me in childhood'. I found out this weekend that she doesn't believe I'm autistic as her partner's nephew is and I'm not like that.

I'm not sure how to process this. If I'm not autistic then why am I struggling so much? Am I faking the challenges I have? What if its like a munchausens by proxy kind of thing?

I'm female and already concerned about what assessment method will be used, I've read that some methods aren't catered to female presentations. What if my mum is right or that this is expressed in her session?

Now I'm spiralling and a little hurt but mostly confused. My mum has always been the person I turn to but now I don't know how to respond. 

Thoughts and comments?

Parents

  • I think that you need to accept that, as much as she is an expert on you, your mother is not an expert on autism. Knowing one autistic person is just that, the presentation of autism is so very varied, that's why it is called a 'spectrum disorder'. If you want to get your mother 'on board' you will have to do a good deal of gentle education in what autism is. Parents are often the most resistant to accepting that their offspring are, or might be, autistic, because of a reticence to admit that their child might have serious long-term problems. Also there is often a level of misplaced guilt, "Is it my fault that my child is having problems?" Reassure your mother that even if you are autistic it is not her fault and there is nothing she could have done differently that would have affected it. There are many Youtube presentations concerning autistic traits in females. It might be useful for your mother to see autistic women talking directly about their experiences.

Reply

  • I think that you need to accept that, as much as she is an expert on you, your mother is not an expert on autism. Knowing one autistic person is just that, the presentation of autism is so very varied, that's why it is called a 'spectrum disorder'. If you want to get your mother 'on board' you will have to do a good deal of gentle education in what autism is. Parents are often the most resistant to accepting that their offspring are, or might be, autistic, because of a reticence to admit that their child might have serious long-term problems. Also there is often a level of misplaced guilt, "Is it my fault that my child is having problems?" Reassure your mother that even if you are autistic it is not her fault and there is nothing she could have done differently that would have affected it. There are many Youtube presentations concerning autistic traits in females. It might be useful for your mother to see autistic women talking directly about their experiences.

Children