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Growing old alone

Ultramarine

I've been at A&E all night accompanying my mum - luckily she is all fine now and the problem turned out to be not serious.

But it got me thinking - how do people cope when they are elderly and have no children and perhaps no partner either; what do they do if they need help in a medical emergency?  I know you can always call emergency services, but what about emotional support and just feeling like you're not completely alone.

I've never felt that I have the emotional or relational skills to raise a child (I am 38 now) - and anyway, I wouldn't just have children so that there was someone to care for me in old age, as I feel that that would be a selfish motivation.  (Also kids have their own lives and plans).  I really don't think I could raise a child well, because I need so much down time on my own in order to function well.  But on the other hand, I sometimes wonder about how I will feel later on, as I get older - I hate the thought of being elderly and vulnerable and on my own.  I've never been in a long-term relationship; I might try again soon but I don't know if it will work out.

I guess I was just wondering if you know any older people in this situation and if so, how do they cope.  Or are you in this situation?

On the one hand I spend a lot of life on my own and feel comfortable that way, but on the other hand, I really struggle without any emotional support.  It's a kind of paradox.

PS - Thank you so much to everyone who's replied to my other posts - I want to reply properly, individually to everyone - hopefully I will be able to do this today.

Parents

  • My friend in her sixties has no family.  She has a couple of close friends she relies on. She seems very happy with her life choices but I don't know if they are by choice or circumstantial. Ive learned from others it's about feeling comfortable with who you are. My friends who seem happiest and most independent in their lives do not rely on anyone else for anything. Their happiness comes from within and anything from anyone else is a bonus.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Out_of_step,

    Thanks for your reply.  I agree with you, it's important to be independent and for happiness to come from within.  I feel that I'm quite independent already, but still it's a bit scary to think about being isolated later on in life when I might be less able to help myself than I am now.  I don't know if that makes sense.  Maybe different people worry about that to different extents.

  • in reply to Ultramarine

    You might get hit by a bus tomorrow. Or you might live to a ripe old age and have no problems.  Even if you have a massive net work of people, you might outlive them all and end up on your own anyway. We don't know what is around the corner, but of course I understand me saying these things doesn't help your concerns :-)

    I think about it too as I'm mid 30s and unsure about having kids. For me it's about feeling connected to a person that you would never get with anyone else. Even if they lived on the other side of the world. But I have lots of worries about having a child and I kind of think if it was what I wanted it wouldve happened by now. 

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  • in reply to Ultramarine

    You might get hit by a bus tomorrow. Or you might live to a ripe old age and have no problems.  Even if you have a massive net work of people, you might outlive them all and end up on your own anyway. We don't know what is around the corner, but of course I understand me saying these things doesn't help your concerns :-)

    I think about it too as I'm mid 30s and unsure about having kids. For me it's about feeling connected to a person that you would never get with anyone else. Even if they lived on the other side of the world. But I have lots of worries about having a child and I kind of think if it was what I wanted it wouldve happened by now. 

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