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Growing old alone

Ultramarine

I've been at A&E all night accompanying my mum - luckily she is all fine now and the problem turned out to be not serious.

But it got me thinking - how do people cope when they are elderly and have no children and perhaps no partner either; what do they do if they need help in a medical emergency?  I know you can always call emergency services, but what about emotional support and just feeling like you're not completely alone.

I've never felt that I have the emotional or relational skills to raise a child (I am 38 now) - and anyway, I wouldn't just have children so that there was someone to care for me in old age, as I feel that that would be a selfish motivation.  (Also kids have their own lives and plans).  I really don't think I could raise a child well, because I need so much down time on my own in order to function well.  But on the other hand, I sometimes wonder about how I will feel later on, as I get older - I hate the thought of being elderly and vulnerable and on my own.  I've never been in a long-term relationship; I might try again soon but I don't know if it will work out.

I guess I was just wondering if you know any older people in this situation and if so, how do they cope.  Or are you in this situation?

On the one hand I spend a lot of life on my own and feel comfortable that way, but on the other hand, I really struggle without any emotional support.  It's a kind of paradox.

PS - Thank you so much to everyone who's replied to my other posts - I want to reply properly, individually to everyone - hopefully I will be able to do this today.

Parents

  • My viola teacher's husband died two years ago and her son lives in Canada so for the purposes of medical emergencies, she is alone. She is supported by my family and the families of a few other of her ex-students, as well as a community care team to allow her to continue living independently. And when she was in hospital and recovering afterwards it was the families who did taking stuff she needed in and visiting and helping her sort out her recovery.

    There are people in my village who were old without family and neighbours helped them out with what they needed. I think there are people out there who will give you a hand whether you're related to them or not, and it doesn't necessarily have to be close friends.

  • in reply to Fibonacci Squid

    Hi Fibonacci Squid,

    Thanks for your message.  I'm glad that your viola teacher has a good support network around her.  It sounds like you like in a village.  I'm living in London, and in a way I would prefer to live somewhere with more of a sense of community, but I know some of the neighbours on my street.  It can feel quite isolating here, though.

    Realising that I'm probably autistic has made me reassess a lot of things, and I now realise that I want to put more into relationships.  There are some barriers for me, in terms of making more friends, but unless I spend more time on relationships then I am going to be lonely in old age, so I want to make changes now, so that the end of the story is different.

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  • in reply to Fibonacci Squid

    Hi Fibonacci Squid,

    Thanks for your message.  I'm glad that your viola teacher has a good support network around her.  It sounds like you like in a village.  I'm living in London, and in a way I would prefer to live somewhere with more of a sense of community, but I know some of the neighbours on my street.  It can feel quite isolating here, though.

    Realising that I'm probably autistic has made me reassess a lot of things, and I now realise that I want to put more into relationships.  There are some barriers for me, in terms of making more friends, but unless I spend more time on relationships then I am going to be lonely in old age, so I want to make changes now, so that the end of the story is different.

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