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Growing old alone

Ultramarine

I've been at A&E all night accompanying my mum - luckily she is all fine now and the problem turned out to be not serious.

But it got me thinking - how do people cope when they are elderly and have no children and perhaps no partner either; what do they do if they need help in a medical emergency?  I know you can always call emergency services, but what about emotional support and just feeling like you're not completely alone.

I've never felt that I have the emotional or relational skills to raise a child (I am 38 now) - and anyway, I wouldn't just have children so that there was someone to care for me in old age, as I feel that that would be a selfish motivation.  (Also kids have their own lives and plans).  I really don't think I could raise a child well, because I need so much down time on my own in order to function well.  But on the other hand, I sometimes wonder about how I will feel later on, as I get older - I hate the thought of being elderly and vulnerable and on my own.  I've never been in a long-term relationship; I might try again soon but I don't know if it will work out.

I guess I was just wondering if you know any older people in this situation and if so, how do they cope.  Or are you in this situation?

On the one hand I spend a lot of life on my own and feel comfortable that way, but on the other hand, I really struggle without any emotional support.  It's a kind of paradox.

PS - Thank you so much to everyone who's replied to my other posts - I want to reply properly, individually to everyone - hopefully I will be able to do this today.

Parents

  • My dad was on his own for about 25 years and coped quite well, he did go out to various activities, my sister lived fairly close so she saw him, i was 200 miles away so didn't see him much.

    If you check back in with me n about 20 years I'll let you know how its gong as i am just getting a divorce and buying a house so i'll be on my own.

Reply

  • My dad was on his own for about 25 years and coped quite well, he did go out to various activities, my sister lived fairly close so she saw him, i was 200 miles away so didn't see him much.

    If you check back in with me n about 20 years I'll let you know how its gong as i am just getting a divorce and buying a house so i'll be on my own.

Children
  • in reply to BJS

    I have learned to cope well, on my own, but can't budget for s**t!

  • in reply to BJS

    Hi BJS,

    I'm really sorry to hear about the divorce.  I hope things get better for you, and that in 20 years' time you'll be in a situation that you're happy in and that suits you better.

    I am looking ahead and imagining how things might be later in life, if I don't make changes now.  I only recently became fairly sure that I'm autistic, and until then I neglected my friendships and hid my feelings in work.  Now that I know I'm probably autistic, I want to make some changes, and try to build a strong social network so that the ending of the story is different, so to speak.  But I don't think I'll ever be able to have children - I can't imagine it.  I don't think I would be a good parent.  So that's why I started thinking about this topic.

    I'm glad that your Dad coped fairly well with living on his own.