• Replies 17 replies
  • Subscribers 85 subscribers
  • Views 6425 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Wanting things to be Black and White: can you relate to these examples?

Ultramarine

Hello,

I've heard that wanting things to be black and white, and getting extremely anxious as a result, is a characteristic of autism.  I realised recently that I tend to do this a lot.  I find it very anxiety-provoking and I thought I would make a list of the things I find the most difficult, to see if anyone else could relate to them.  

Have you experienced any of these traits, and if so, have you found anything that helps to cope with the anxiety?

In friendships and relationships:

- Getting really anxious about written communication because you're not sure how to interpret particular words such as 'love' at the end of a message (is it just a friendly formality, or does it mean that the person is interested romantically?) and heart emoticons.  I expect that NT people also worry about this, but not to the extent that the anxiety becomes all-consuming, distracting you from everyday activities and making you feel like you want to avoid relationships because they are too stressful.

- Worrying that the other person might not like you any more, or be interested in you any more.  Feeling like you need reassurance, but not feeling you can ask them.

- Getting really anxious after sending an email or text message, in the period of time between sending the message and receiving a reply.  If the other person takes a long time to reply, getting worried that this means you've offended them, or that they don't want to know you any more.

Can anyone relate to these things and if so, have you found anything that helps you cope with the anxiety?

Parents

  • It's difficult to answer for myself,  although I can relate to this, it's been such a long time since I've had anyone new in my life. I can see what you say in one of my friends but I think her root is self esteem and anxiety, not AS. She can be quite intense but since I've learned from another friend about setting boundaries, this has helped with the intense friend  (ie if I don't text back it's because I don't want to talk...I will text bsck eventuslly). Sorry I know this is kind of opposite to what you are asking but I'm getting at...if you can establish boundaries it might help. .... (Altho that's more for people you know a bit better).

    For me, I've built up resilience by learning 1. I am not other people. I cannot control them or control what they think (of me). This seems common sense but it's taken work to understand and believe this. Also 2. I don't know the other person's story or why they haven't replied. It is difficult to get out of negative thinking on this one and my automatic response is usually negative and directed at myself however I'm getting better at this. 3. People have diffetrnt communication styles. (Eg one manager always says thanks to my emails, another doesn't. ..that doesn't mean she hasn't read it. I've learned to have faith she has read it).  Once I started understanding the points above its taken away pressure. 

Reply Children
No Data