Cried through into church service

Went back to church for the first time since last March this morning. I managed to get as far as the entrance hall where I proceeded to cry through the entire service, went into complete meltdown mode.

3 people tried to talk to me but I was completely non verbal, so much so that I couldn't tell them to leave me alone. As soon as it finished I left,  didn't say a single word. 

So embarrassing. 

Parents
  • In the mid 80s, the Church of England (Church Army Seminary Principal, to be precise) landed a put-up-or-shut-up test on me which I passed with flying colours, causing the metamorphic development of a seer medium gift, which could be highly dangerous if copied. It led me to very deep meditation on Matthew 6, and the studied conclusion that Organised Religion is highly unhelpful. Not all are called to faith, and their paths are individual. I'm comfortable in my orientation on the "know them by their fruits" basis, mine were recognised when the team won a Nobel Peace Prize, although it's rather boastful, sorry.

    But when I consider the mess dogma's got itself into, I look back at the various attempts to keep things straight and realise there's very little actual faith in the Church. We're not supposed to live in a holy huddle once a week, but to flavour society continuously by being who we are unaffectedly where we are. So perhaps you were responding to a call to simplify.

Reply
  • In the mid 80s, the Church of England (Church Army Seminary Principal, to be precise) landed a put-up-or-shut-up test on me which I passed with flying colours, causing the metamorphic development of a seer medium gift, which could be highly dangerous if copied. It led me to very deep meditation on Matthew 6, and the studied conclusion that Organised Religion is highly unhelpful. Not all are called to faith, and their paths are individual. I'm comfortable in my orientation on the "know them by their fruits" basis, mine were recognised when the team won a Nobel Peace Prize, although it's rather boastful, sorry.

    But when I consider the mess dogma's got itself into, I look back at the various attempts to keep things straight and realise there's very little actual faith in the Church. We're not supposed to live in a holy huddle once a week, but to flavour society continuously by being who we are unaffectedly where we are. So perhaps you were responding to a call to simplify.

Children
  • The church is full of people and people are flawed. 

    I am not sure how much flavouring I can do at the moment as my faith is so weak. 

    The bits of the sermon I heard through my sobs were about how society has become a society which lives under a collection full of isms: 

    Subjectivism - if it feels right it is right

    Hedonism - if it feels good or gives me pleasure it is right

    Utilitarianism - if it doesn't harm anyone else it is right 

    Tribalism - if my group of people think it is right then it is right 

    Nonjudgementalism - I am free to do whatever I want or censor my behaviour. Your judgement is greater than what I have done

    This makes being a Christian so very difficult.