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random thoughts on depression.

Caelus

yo, so as i was thinking last night on my feelings and how long they last and forever plague me, i thought. what if depression is a punishment for some bad stuff we did in a past life?

and the amount of recurring depression you gets signifies you must have really done alot of bad stuff in a previous life and this feeling is making up for it, or suffering for it. 
and that if you commit suicide it isnt going to go away, it will follow you even more into the next life and your next life will be bad and depressing too, so it is better to stick around and take the depression and bad feels of this life so that your next life can be clear. and even perhaps if you take more punishment and misery in this life than due perhaps your next life will be super good and pleasurable to make up for it. 

and all in all it means the depression and bad feels we get, perhaps we deserve them? perhaps its making up for our own evils. and i dunno when thinking on this it sorta made me feel slightly better for the time being, enough to sleep i guess.


which then made me think on religious people, it made me realise religion is just founded on depression and trying to cope, as they probably maybe thought a similar thing that perhaps they sinned or did bad and their bad feelings is their penance or repentance whatever? and ofcourse there is more examples of this in religion that goes even farther such as the flagellants who would whip themselves to cleanse them of sin, hurry up their punishment so that they can get the suffering out of the way faster, then there is the the aescetics or whatever that practices some form of denying themselves pleasure and food and so on ans i think thats also the word for monks who go out of their way to go through hardships and endure them. and im sure my first ideas i types at the start of this thread is probably close to some indian religion for all i know but i dont know their stuff and ideas, but could be as when you think you think of things that have already been thought of before. both religion and philosophy always come round to the same negative feelings in life and getting through them. ok im totally just rambling on the last paragraph lol but my thoughts are like a puzzle and i feel it pieces together the world in which i see reason for why certain things came to exist and be.

Parents

  • There is a lot here and I'm at work so not much of a chance for me to go through it all at the moment, but I'm not religious. I was born into a religious household but I never really understood. I feel like much of my depression and anxiety disorder stems from trying to be what I perceived to be 'normal' It got worse and worse as I got older and was expected to follow the 'normal adult path' which didn't work for me. I'm struggling with it now because at the moment, I'm still in that 'normal' work environment and things aren't great at the moment. It really stems for me, from not knowing who I am and trying to fit in when in reality, that just made me stand out even more. I'm working towards finding that balance and I'm sure I will get there, but it will take time.

    I'm looking to work in a way that is closer to the ground I suppose, a bit more Hobbit like is my goal. Living in an environment where I can make things that I need, grow my own food and live more simply and sustainably. I know that isn't for everyone. But I get a kind of peace when I do these things. In Buddhist philosophy, there is this idea that the way to enlightenment is not to have everything in excess, nor to strip away everything and try and survive on nothing. It's kind of a middle ground. Finding contentment and just being happy with what you have. I like the idea. Depression is just a result of the world around us and how we live in it. It's different for everyone, and no one will be able to deal with it in the same way. Suicide isn't a decision that someone makes after careful consideration. It's a moment in time when your brain sees an opportunity to change the situation, but doesn't understand the consequences of that action. It's very frightening how quickly it can appear. Some religions always made it out to be a sin, but never really understood it. 

Reply

  • There is a lot here and I'm at work so not much of a chance for me to go through it all at the moment, but I'm not religious. I was born into a religious household but I never really understood. I feel like much of my depression and anxiety disorder stems from trying to be what I perceived to be 'normal' It got worse and worse as I got older and was expected to follow the 'normal adult path' which didn't work for me. I'm struggling with it now because at the moment, I'm still in that 'normal' work environment and things aren't great at the moment. It really stems for me, from not knowing who I am and trying to fit in when in reality, that just made me stand out even more. I'm working towards finding that balance and I'm sure I will get there, but it will take time.

    I'm looking to work in a way that is closer to the ground I suppose, a bit more Hobbit like is my goal. Living in an environment where I can make things that I need, grow my own food and live more simply and sustainably. I know that isn't for everyone. But I get a kind of peace when I do these things. In Buddhist philosophy, there is this idea that the way to enlightenment is not to have everything in excess, nor to strip away everything and try and survive on nothing. It's kind of a middle ground. Finding contentment and just being happy with what you have. I like the idea. Depression is just a result of the world around us and how we live in it. It's different for everyone, and no one will be able to deal with it in the same way. Suicide isn't a decision that someone makes after careful consideration. It's a moment in time when your brain sees an opportunity to change the situation, but doesn't understand the consequences of that action. It's very frightening how quickly it can appear. Some religions always made it out to be a sin, but never really understood it. 

Children
  • in reply to Loz

    ah i was thinking of alternate ways to live like that. i also came across people who made earthen hobbit homes, alot of which the government always steps in and tells them they arnt allowed to live there and forces them to destroy it and take it down, which is always the thing in the uk, the gov always ruins any alternate life you can think of and forces you down the same template of getting a very expensive house with very expensive bills and very expensive council tax all of which takes nothing but a full time permanent job to barely scrape by and afford to pay the upkeep for. 

    hell even thinking of buying farm land and slapping a caravan on it apparently your not allowed to do either. we are shoe horned into the same one life template, and its not for everyone.