Published on 12, July, 2020
Now I know this sounds stupid, but I’m apprehensive about seeking a diagnosis, partly because I might be told I don’t have autism. I’m not sure where that would leave me. I guess it would just make me a bit of a weirdo, who has no real reason to find certain things so difficult.
I don’t feel 100% sure I have autism, but I’m questioning. I took the AQ test and scored 30, so not super low but not super high either. I’m not sure what the purpose to this post is, I’m just torn on what to do.
Hello :)
I could have written this! I am feeling exactly the same. I have always struggled with life for as long as I can remember and have always felt different/odd/weird/an outsider looking in etc. I have struggled with anxiety and depression all my life, (I am now 36) but was convinced from becoming a teenager I had a serious mental health condition such as bipolar or something like that. Over the years I have just put my difficulties down to being hormone related. I have looked into what could be causing my distress over the years through GP's, but I've never got anywhere. I put my social anxiety down to putting on weight and hating being uncomfortable around people. I don't know what to say to people a lot of the time, and I often say things which are inappropriate when I am just trying to fit in. I overthink everything way too much and feel like I don't really know who I am or what I feel. I have brain fog all the time and am super sensitive in every way! I only considered ASD when I was doing my 8 year old daughter's pre-assessment questionnaires and it was like the penny suddenly dropped. It was such a strange feeling, it was like a lightbulb moment where suddenly every single thing clicked into place and my whole life's struggles made sense for the first time. I am anxious that I won't be diagnosed, and I will be back to square one. I think I finally feel hope that there's a reason for the way I am, but am scared of the possibility that there's nothing detected. So where does that leave me! I know that getting a diagnosis isn't everything, but knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle.
Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to say, you are not alone. And definitely go for it, you have nothing to lose. I hope you don't have to wait too long for answers.
Sending positive thoughts :)
if u are new ---- Welcome to this forum !
Thank you :) I've been knocking around for a while, mainly reading for advice. I find it hard putting myself out there so can never bring myself to comment. It's a wonderful community :)
np