Published on 12, July, 2020
Now I know this sounds stupid, but I’m apprehensive about seeking a diagnosis, partly because I might be told I don’t have autism. I’m not sure where that would leave me. I guess it would just make me a bit of a weirdo, who has no real reason to find certain things so difficult.
I don’t feel 100% sure I have autism, but I’m questioning. I took the AQ test and scored 30, so not super low but not super high either. I’m not sure what the purpose to this post is, I’m just torn on what to do.
Hi Petalsforarmor,It doesn't sound stupid to me, I can relate to how you feel. I am in the process of getting an assessment. I didn't score very highly on tests, probably because sensory issues and stimming aren't a big issue in my case, but I have lots of autistic traits and a history of social mistakes and awkwardness.
Like you, I'm worried that I will be told I'm not autistic, because I think I would feel that I'm just weird. But I'm trying not to think like that. I think Caelus's reply is helpful - I will learn what else I have, if it's not autism. I am reading a lot about autism and learning how autistic people make adjustments to their lives to make things easier. If I'm neurotypical and some of these adjustments help me, I guess there's no reason why I can't use them. I'm meeting other autistic people, online and in person. I find that I can relate to these people a lot. If I'm neurotypical they can still be my friends and we still have things in common. But I do relate to how you feel - I really think I'm autistic and hope that it's this because I just want to understand why I find certain things difficult.