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Late diagnosis female

Sky💗

Hi only recently given  ASD diagnosis, as a female aged 40 I'm trying to understand myself more and not blame myself for trying to fit in with the neurotypical lifestyle I struggled so hard to adjust to, causing so much stress and other mental health issues. 

The  problem I have  is people I surround myself with are finding it hard to understand that I am actually Autistic (as I have seemed to  managed OK in their eyes all this time, so why change)

it's as if they think I've exaggerated how Autism affects me because they didn't notice. I have Masked alot throughout my life and just finding it hard to be accepted for who I really am at moment. 

Parents

  • I can relate to all this being mid 30s, female,  diagnosed earlier this year. I'm still finding my way through it. What I have decided is to be more caring towards myself. Masking is part of who I am, I accept that and it's something I have to do in order to continue with the life I have. I "choose my battles" carefully. Building in recovery time is important, especially after work or after social events.

    I accept what I can and cannot change. I don't ruminate as much on social events now because there are parts of me I cannot change (why did I kill the conversation in the staff meeting! No idea! Everyone will have forgotten about it by now). There are things I can change, so I've started practising mindfulness to give myself some space in my head for other ruminations and also working on executive function (eg with others arranging to meet between a time slot rather than a specific time).

    With regards to other people, I've realised it doesn't make much difference telling them. It's not going to stop people having multiple conversations, or being vague about something for example. My masking is so hard engrained in I didn't realise just how much I was mentally trying to keep up, I would never give myself a break. Now I'm more aware, I give myself time out from others (loo break, fresh air etc), or asking to turn the radio down so we can speak, instead of trying to keep up regardless.  What I'm trying to say is, other people are not going to change so I'm making adaptations myself and I feel more able and confident to do this now I know more about how my brain works.

    I've also learned it's all very well telling people you're on the spectrum but it's so misunderstood, and they don't know what to do with this information. They need to know how they can help or what you find difficult. There are some people I just haven't gone there with because they have s negative perception of AS and see it as being something wrong. When it's not! It's just a name for how my brain works which is a bit different to most other people.

Reply

  • I can relate to all this being mid 30s, female,  diagnosed earlier this year. I'm still finding my way through it. What I have decided is to be more caring towards myself. Masking is part of who I am, I accept that and it's something I have to do in order to continue with the life I have. I "choose my battles" carefully. Building in recovery time is important, especially after work or after social events.

    I accept what I can and cannot change. I don't ruminate as much on social events now because there are parts of me I cannot change (why did I kill the conversation in the staff meeting! No idea! Everyone will have forgotten about it by now). There are things I can change, so I've started practising mindfulness to give myself some space in my head for other ruminations and also working on executive function (eg with others arranging to meet between a time slot rather than a specific time).

    With regards to other people, I've realised it doesn't make much difference telling them. It's not going to stop people having multiple conversations, or being vague about something for example. My masking is so hard engrained in I didn't realise just how much I was mentally trying to keep up, I would never give myself a break. Now I'm more aware, I give myself time out from others (loo break, fresh air etc), or asking to turn the radio down so we can speak, instead of trying to keep up regardless.  What I'm trying to say is, other people are not going to change so I'm making adaptations myself and I feel more able and confident to do this now I know more about how my brain works.

    I've also learned it's all very well telling people you're on the spectrum but it's so misunderstood, and they don't know what to do with this information. They need to know how they can help or what you find difficult. There are some people I just haven't gone there with because they have s negative perception of AS and see it as being something wrong. When it's not! It's just a name for how my brain works which is a bit different to most other people.

Children