Late diagnosis female

I've had a little success with some receptive people by giving a *detailed* breakdown of what it "cost" me to participate in a joint activity with them...

EG: I met an aquaintence at a coffee shop, and explained that I started preparing the night before - planning the route, parking etc. I also considered any potential difficult conversations (like why I didn't attend their childs birthday party), and how I would respond. I tried to recall any promises I had made last time we spoke (and almost certainly didn't keep).

I struggled to fall asleep because of this, and woke up very early to make sure I could follow my usual morning habits/rituals and still have time to shower (first time in more than a week).

After 4-5 minutes deliberation in the kitchen, I couldn't decide on toast or cereal for breakfast so just had coffee.

I had a mini-meltdown because my tooth-brush was flat (normally not an issue really, but it interfered with the careful plan of the morning worked out in bed before I got up). Decided not to go - too difficult. Played some computer games before calming down enough to carry on.

I explained why I nearly always wear sunglasses & flip-flops (because of sensory issues with light & touch) and that today I agonised over shoes vs flip-flops since it was forecast ~10°C (normally I only wear shoes <12°C, but I had blisters).

I had to hover by my front window to wait for my neighbor (lovely lady whose name I can never remember) to go back inside before putting on my best mask and leaving. I explained about masking and often having no fucking idea why people were doing what they were doing - I would just mimic those about me.

I told them why I had chosen this coffee shop instead of the one we used to go to (very noisy, echoy type of place that makes it hard for me to hear/understand).

All this for a simple coffee & chat... and that I will go home and need the whole next day by myself to recover.

I asked if they recalled all the times I had just vanished from after-work social events early - I was overloaded and needed time to decompress.

etc.

Of course, some people just don't care/understand - they will end up on my "estranged" pile all the quicker.

I think I ought to take a leaf out of your book and prepare a little more. The difference in my case is that its not the social interaction itself that gives me the most trouble, its the 24 hours that immediately follow it. Deconstructing the event (did it really happen the way I think it happened, what cues did I miss etc) and all of the pent up excitement fizzling into nothing really takes it out of me.

Interesting - it's the 24 hours before for me. Like you it's not the social event itself for me... once I'm there, masked up & seated - I'm usually OK and can enjoy the event.

Once it's over I get a palpable sense of relief and my well practiced "out of sight, out of mind" reflex kicks in (unless of course things went horribly wrong, when I too indulge in over-analysis!).

Agree I think I have needed the reasurrance of others to feel accepted all my life. I'm working on self acceptance at moment and confidence so hopefully this will improve

I struggle with rumination too. I think my biggest issue with that is that I rely on reassurance from others; their feedback is vital to keeping equilibrium. It's incredibly hard to do that for myself but I do try - I know it is possible.

I struggle with rumination too. I think my biggest issue with that is that I rely on reassurance from others; their feedback is vital to keeping equilibrium. It's incredibly hard to do that for myself but I do try - I know it is possible.

Agree I think I have needed the reasurrance of others to feel accepted all my life. I'm working on self acceptance at moment and confidence so hopefully this will improve