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Late diagnosis female

Sky💗

Hi only recently given  ASD diagnosis, as a female aged 40 I'm trying to understand myself more and not blame myself for trying to fit in with the neurotypical lifestyle I struggled so hard to adjust to, causing so much stress and other mental health issues. 

The  problem I have  is people I surround myself with are finding it hard to understand that I am actually Autistic (as I have seemed to  managed OK in their eyes all this time, so why change)

it's as if they think I've exaggerated how Autism affects me because they didn't notice. I have Masked alot throughout my life and just finding it hard to be accepted for who I really am at moment. 

Parents

  • I've had a little success with some receptive people by giving a *detailed* breakdown of what it "cost" me to participate in a joint activity with them...

    EG: I met an aquaintence at a coffee shop, and explained that I started preparing the night before - planning the route, parking etc. I also considered any potential difficult conversations (like why I didn't attend their childs birthday party), and how I would respond. I tried to recall any promises I had made last time we spoke (and almost certainly didn't keep).

    I struggled to fall asleep because of this, and woke up very early to make sure I could follow my usual morning habits/rituals and still have time to shower (first time in more than a week).

    After 4-5 minutes deliberation in the kitchen, I couldn't decide on toast or cereal for breakfast so just had coffee.

    I had a mini-meltdown because my tooth-brush was flat (normally not an issue really, but it interfered with the careful plan of the morning worked out in bed before I got up). Decided not to go - too difficult. Played some computer games before calming down enough to carry on.


    I explained why I nearly always wear sunglasses & flip-flops (because of sensory issues with light & touch) and that today I agonised over shoes vs flip-flops since it was forecast ~10°C (normally I only wear shoes <12°C, but I had blisters).

    I had to hover by my front window to wait for my neighbor (lovely lady whose name I can never remember) to go back inside before putting on my best mask and leaving. I explained about masking and often having no fucking idea why people were doing what they were doing - I would just mimic those about me.

    I told them why I had chosen this coffee shop instead of the one we used to go to (very noisy, echoy type of place that makes it hard for me to hear/understand).

    All this for a simple coffee & chat... and that I will go home and need the whole next day by myself to recover.

    I asked if they recalled all the times I had just vanished from after-work social events early - I was overloaded and needed time to decompress.

    etc.

    Of course, some people just don't care/understand - they will end up on my "estranged" pile all the quicker.

  • in reply to moon

    Thank you Moon, this  sounds like great advice and I can relate so much. 

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