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Autism and formal speech

Ausomely Autistic

I have been told that I am quite pedantic and I speak formally a lot of the time. I think there are 4 main reasons for this:

  • Detail focused processing style- it is really important for me to be precise with what I say to avoid misunderstandings 
  • Large vocabulary 
  • Provides structure for interaction 
  • Love of language 

What do you think? Do you speak formally?

I am just interested in other people’s opinions and whether formality is important to you.

Parents

  • I can relate to all of that!

    I'm not struggling with "word finding" - I am choosing one that you will understand the nuance of. Or I am trying not to repeat the same word over and over again, or trying not to use a technical term which you won't understand (or might understand way better than me so I shouldn't be using it at all).

    Also - being interrupted really throws me off - it seems that way too many people live by the idea that whoever speaks first has the right answer, and my detailed and well-thought-through idea is dismissed or not even listened to.

    What on earth is the point of having an 'informal chat' about - for example - your salary or a health matter? Is it so that you can not take seriously something that is going to have a big impact on my life?

    I do love words and etymology and have to resist the urge to ask people whether they really understand what they just said - it feels very arrogant to ask but then, what is the point of a communication if neither side has in fact understood what the other is saying?!

  • in reply to JJ

    I also really like to have in depth conversations, they are meaningful. You get to understand a person properly when you explore passions or intense topics together.

Reply Children
  • in reply to JJ

    "I dont know,, is a perfectly acceptable answer"   was on the signature of every one of ex-bosses emails in USA. He as so sensible Slight smile

  • in reply to JJ
    JJ said:
    This forum is one of the few places I can actually discuss autism.

    Yes I agree, it is really important to be able to talk about a significant identity such as being autistic, shared interests and experiences. That’s why it’s also necessary for me to talk to my family a lot. 

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    One of my favorite sayings is "every day's a learning day" and I really do love getting a little 'trinket' of information or understanding of something.

    What I don't appreciate is people presenting a guess as fact, I find it extremely frustrating - they are setting you up for an error - and sometimes, if it's something important, I have to work quite hard to get them to admit that they don't actually know; which would have been a perfectly acceptable answer for me and I wouldn't have judged them in the slightest.

    People often tell me I'm a bit of a know-it-all (or simply arrogant) but if they counted the number of times a day I say "I don't actually know" and if they noticed that I simply don't go out on a limb and present them with a guess (without explicitly telling them I'm guessing) then I'm sure they would think differently of me.

    This forum is one of the few places I can actually discuss autism. For some reason when I try to talk about it with family or friends (some of whom are definitely on the spectrum) the conversation derails very quickly and I'm quite sad about that.

  • in reply to JJ

    Yes but a lot of the time I don’t get to engage in detailed conversations. Most of the time I interact with neurotypical peers who don’t seem interested in intense discussions. This is why I really like this forum and conversations with my family as I can be more analytical, ask more questions and talk about autism.

    I feel like I always want to gain knowledge in interactions, do you feel the same?

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    Do you find that this makes for a more prolonged or detailed 'negotiation phase' at the beginning of a conversation where you are trying to establish a mutual communication level (ie tone, technical understanding, social requirement)?