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Asc husband and adhd wife

NAS74023

Looking for ways to help our relationship,  I have adhd combined type ( the wife ) , my husband is awaiting late diagnosis for asc , he has ocd ,anxiety.  He struggles mostly with emotions, cant show emotions or romance,  his imagination is very limited and needs constant input from me . 

What would help please   ?  He sees no one ,no therapy  no medications and will be assessed next month. 

Been together 25 years  we have 7 neuro diverse children with asc adhd or both and it's only while seeking the childrens diagnosis's that we figured out that we too had conditions.  

How can I help our marriage  please? 

Parents

  • talking? I know it sounds trite but talking to one another about what you want and need from the relationship has got to be the starting point.

    Take the romance thing. I'm going to assume your husband loves you very much. But his creativity just doesn't lend itself to romantic gestures. Would it bother you if he were working from like a romance manual. "Day 4 buy her flowers, day 6 take her out for dinner" kind of thing? You might need something really basic to give him a framework to work in. Not that he doesn't care for you. As you say he just lacks the language to express it. If he were getting that language out of a book would it bother you? If it was all a system he was cribbing from like a student using the writing on the back of his hand to pass an exam.

  • in reply to Peter

    You mean like a romance schedule,  that would be good but I dont want to plan it or know what's on it xx

Reply Children
  • in reply to NAS74023

    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen sex dice? Where you roll  a couple of dice and do the bedroom activity they indicate? You could have romance dice. One with 6 days of the week one with 6 romantic activities.

    also while we’re on the topic do you find physical intermicy romantic? If your husband is comfortable with that, (and with several kids I assume he is) You could make a pre approved list of sexual fantasies you’d like to try out. That way when you have a night free from the kids he can pick something off the list and surprise you.