• Replies 20 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 4618 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

How to treat an autistic friend

Volvox

My best friend who is 72 years old decided a couple of years ago that she is autistic. This is feasible as she certainly struggles with social situations and gets overloaded with external stimuli and emotions. She also has a severely non-verbal autistic son. I have known her for 50 years since we were at college together.

My problem is: how to change my attitude and behaviour towards her, if at all. She has always been quite a tricky person and we do fall out completely from time to time because of this – but now I wonder if I should be making allowances for what can seem like downright bad behaviour and thoughtlessness? In the past if I've called her out on hurtful behaviour she has flown into a rage and blamed me, or just not understood one jot of what I'm saying, and we can't resolve the situation.

Any thoughts, or experience of this sort of situation?

Parents

  • i dunno, i feel perhaps its best to just be your regular self. otherwise if you become different perhaps she wouldnt like the new fake you? lol if she still likes you now then she likes you for who you are anyway. any fallouts she has with you she perhaps would kick herself for, i guess she apologizes to you alot for any arguments? that would be a sign any argument she regrets and blames herself for if so.

Reply

  • i dunno, i feel perhaps its best to just be your regular self. otherwise if you become different perhaps she wouldnt like the new fake you? lol if she still likes you now then she likes you for who you are anyway. any fallouts she has with you she perhaps would kick herself for, i guess she apologizes to you alot for any arguments? that would be a sign any argument she regrets and blames herself for if so.

Children
  • in reply to Caelus

    I suppose I'm worried that when she's difficult/hurtful and especially when she misreads something I've said, I will from now on have to let it go because she's autistic, or thinks she is. No she doesn't apologise! – because she doesn't understand the dynamics of our arguments.

    For instance, when she talks about herself on the phone for 45 minutes and I finally have to say I must go, she gets really really hurt and doesn't understand that I'm not rejecting her, I've just got stuff to do! Is that autism and I should just carry on listening? Because that's what I do now, and I get really resentful.