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How to treat an autistic friend

Volvox

My best friend who is 72 years old decided a couple of years ago that she is autistic. This is feasible as she certainly struggles with social situations and gets overloaded with external stimuli and emotions. She also has a severely non-verbal autistic son. I have known her for 50 years since we were at college together.

My problem is: how to change my attitude and behaviour towards her, if at all. She has always been quite a tricky person and we do fall out completely from time to time because of this – but now I wonder if I should be making allowances for what can seem like downright bad behaviour and thoughtlessness? In the past if I've called her out on hurtful behaviour she has flown into a rage and blamed me, or just not understood one jot of what I'm saying, and we can't resolve the situation.

Any thoughts, or experience of this sort of situation?

Parents

  • She decided! well she must have had it along but didn't know what it was. There are loads of adult in the same boat. 

    As you have known your friend for such a long time, i don't see the point in changing or feeling any sort or funny around her. You may however consider cutting her some slack especially when you can see that a situation is getting tricky for her. Talk to her and try to divert/steer her attention away from the offending situation. 

    I would however caution that you avoid gaslighting her, by blaming anything possible on her and her disability. She is still your friend and you don't get them any more loyal than that.

Reply

  • She decided! well she must have had it along but didn't know what it was. There are loads of adult in the same boat. 

    As you have known your friend for such a long time, i don't see the point in changing or feeling any sort or funny around her. You may however consider cutting her some slack especially when you can see that a situation is getting tricky for her. Talk to her and try to divert/steer her attention away from the offending situation. 

    I would however caution that you avoid gaslighting her, by blaming anything possible on her and her disability. She is still your friend and you don't get them any more loyal than that.

Children