• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 86 subscribers
  • Views 4055 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Fluctuating abilities

Martin

I wonder if this is a feature of autism that many people experience, a wide and often sudden fluctuation in the ability to cope with everyday social interactions? As an example, I was posting a valuable watch to a watch repairers the other day. In the post office I was fine, working out with the member of staff what form of postage with insurance would be the best. All went off really smoothly, I think I even made a little joke. Then I went to the local park and had a wander about. It was a hot day and I thought that I would really like an ice cream. There is a tea room in the park that sells ice cream, choc ices etc.. I couldn't make myself go in and interact with the staff in order to purchase an ice cream. Despite knowing that was what the staff were there to do, and that they would be quite happy to sell me whatever I wanted. Then I walked home, ice cream-less, mentally kicking myself for being totally useless.

Parents

  • Thought I'd add that I'm noticing the fluctuations for me relate to factors like sleep, background stress or demands, sensory input, etc. Basically, allostatic load. It's a subconscious thing.

    If I've had some good sleep recently, stress and demands etc are relatively low, I can see previously-overwhelming activities as do-able. But otherwise, they seem insurmountable.

    I am realising this has been the crux of why I've gone under the radar, not knowing I'm autistic, for so many years - I believed that if I could do something one day, then I should be able to do it any day. If I couldn't do it then I was just a normal person 'choosing' to struggle. I created a horrible habit of self-shaming for this. I worked with therapists for years and couldn't figure out why I would be "choosing to struggle" (my words, my analysis). Even explored secondary gains - a sensitive topic, basically about 'what payoffs might I be getting by keeping these difficulties'. I was ready to go deep and out myself for anything. I think my therapist knew I was autistic as she was hinting at something that she said would be best if I discovered it for myself... and thankfully, I did. Eventually!

  • in reply to Mantra

    Giving you a vote for "allostatic load"!

Reply Children
No Data