Feel Trapped by Life

I have a similar feeling of being trapped. For me, ever since I entered the world of work I would say the last decade has gone by in the blink of an eye and I have nothing to show for it other than being older.

My primary problem is that working for 8.5 hours per day (or 10 hours if you include when I had to commute) really takes it out of me and I basically don't have the time or energy to do anything in my free time - any of the things that I want to do. I feel like I spend the rest of my free time cooking, cleaning, managing my bills and home and then the remaining time sleeping. I can't believe that this is all life is... I basically work in order to put a roof over myself and have food, and then keep doing it until I'm ready to die.

The only activities I can do are the ones with the lowest cognition required. All of the hobbies and interests that I used to have were abandoned long ago. Occasionally my passions reappear when I have a holiday, but it's not enough, and usually the first half of the holiday is spent recovering and recharging whilst doing nothing.

I'm wondering if this is an autistic thing, because I have noticed that neurotypicals seem to manage just fine. They have a good work/life balance and do loads of stuff in their free time. They are continually doing things after work and at weekends. But for me, I can't do that. In order for me to go out in the world and do something social, I basically need 3-4 days off to recharge my batteries. I spend my weekends basically passed out most of the time and then just doing a few chores and slowly getting my energy back.

Keeping up in a neurotypical world is exhausting. When exactly do I get time for myself? When can I get hyperfocused on things like I did as a child or teenager? I feel like the cleaning and other chores I have to do around the house are almost like a job in themselves. Plus I spend at least an hour per day shopping and cooking and washing up, it's almost like I'm doing 3 jobs just to exist and maintain myself. I don't know how people do it.

I'm just so exhausted and mentally fatigued all the time and then I realise another year has gone by. The best years of my life have been squandered and I could easily see myself in my 40s or 50s looking back on having done nothing except work.

It's really depressing but I don't see a way out other than winning the lottery. Sometimes I have thought about quitting my job and selling everything up and quitting life somehow, but it's not really possible without money.

I have a similar feeling of being trapped. For me, ever since I entered the world of work I would say the last decade has gone by in the blink of an eye and I have nothing to show for it other than being older.

My primary problem is that working for 8.5 hours per day (or 10 hours if you include when I had to commute) really takes it out of me and I basically don't have the time or energy to do anything in my free time - any of the things that I want to do. I feel like I spend the rest of my free time cooking, cleaning, managing my bills and home and then the remaining time sleeping. I can't believe that this is all life is... I basically work in order to put a roof over myself and have food, and then keep doing it until I'm ready to die.

The only activities I can do are the ones with the lowest cognition required. All of the hobbies and interests that I used to have were abandoned long ago. Occasionally my passions reappear when I have a holiday, but it's not enough, and usually the first half of the holiday is spent recovering and recharging whilst doing nothing.

I'm wondering if this is an autistic thing, because I have noticed that neurotypicals seem to manage just fine. They have a good work/life balance and do loads of stuff in their free time. They are continually doing things after work and at weekends. But for me, I can't do that. In order for me to go out in the world and do something social, I basically need 3-4 days off to recharge my batteries. I spend my weekends basically passed out most of the time and then just doing a few chores and slowly getting my energy back.

Keeping up in a neurotypical world is exhausting. When exactly do I get time for myself? When can I get hyperfocused on things like I did as a child or teenager? I feel like the cleaning and other chores I have to do around the house are almost like a job in themselves. Plus I spend at least an hour per day shopping and cooking and washing up, it's almost like I'm doing 3 jobs just to exist and maintain myself. I don't know how people do it.

I'm just so exhausted and mentally fatigued all the time and then I realise another year has gone by. The best years of my life have been squandered and I could easily see myself in my 40s or 50s looking back on having done nothing except work.

It's really depressing but I don't see a way out other than winning the lottery. Sometimes I have thought about quitting my job and selling everything up and quitting life somehow, but it's not really possible without money.

It seems a lot of autistic people experience this, and I often wonder how NT's feel in comparison. It's hard to tell, cos ask anyone if they're knackered after work and they seem to say 'yes', but HOW knackered are they? Presumably NTs aren't having to literally do nothing in the dark for ages just to get the energy to eat a meal and have a conversation. I can't comprehend how people do things like going to the gym or for a run on their lunch or even on a work day at all, but then I do know some autistic people who manage it - perhaps if exercise is a special interest it makes it easier to do because it's not taking up as much energy? I don't know, but life IS hard. Hard doesn't mean bad, there's plenty of good there too, but definitely hard.

Feel the same way