Projecting behaviours onto others, paranoia, imagination, trust issues, identifying reality

I often feel the word 'Trust' is thrown about a bit too much in society. Everyone has 'trust issues', we're animals with instincts, we live in a structured but chaotic and cruel society with little hints of hope occasionally. Life is not a walk in the park. You shouldn't trust anyone which is why defensive driving is taught. Which is why females are taught to always keep their drinks with them at all times. Which is why the accountability and scrutiny of the press exists. And so on. Trust is earned through dependability and steadfastness, through accountability and kindness. If someone choses to invest these things toward you, perhaps then they are worth trusting. 

I've done a good deal of hunting down how to be trust-worthy and then I have a standard of expectation as I live my expectations daily as best I can. It makes things a little easier when I can identify what is behaviour I can trust and what isn't. We teach our children to look before crossing the road, to not converse with strangers, to put their pennies in a savings account. Most things in life are not afforded my trust, it's not free, it's hard-earned. When I'm focused on becoming and being a dependable human, I'm no longer projecting but setting a bar for my surroundings. You don't have to meet them, but we also don't have to be more than acquaintances :)

Hi,

For me - trust issues cause a lot of 'looking for historical patters to try to work out what I am being presented with' and anxiety causes a lot of 'iterating through potential outcomes' to the extent that living in moment can be extremely elusive. And that also means that my capacity within the immediate interaction is reduced.

I am really trying to not project so much on to other people as, has been pointed out quite a lot, they simply don't operate like I do so it's a bit of a waste of time.

Reality is a bit of a issue - the future is not set so that's all in the imagination. Everybody's recollection of the past is subjective and malleable. However, given that it's a choice, of sorts, then occupying a reality where: you feel safe, your needs are met, you're not hurting anyone else or setting yourself up for a disaster... then surely it must be ok to believe whatever you want?

Perhaps you've been through abuse in the past, which caused trust issues, paranoia, projection, although that would be a very sensitive topic, and it's not my place to poke and prod into your life, but I'll just give some of my thoughts.

The issues with identifying reality, might be because of gaslighting (manipulative people twisting the truth and doubting your sanity, to the point that you think you're crazy, and you don't trust yourself).

Or maybe you are disassociating from reality into imagination, because in cases of trauma, if you can't escape physically, you will try to escape mentally.

Or you are just haunted by your past experiences, that certain triggers that will make you recall the bad times of the past, which will make it very hard to focus and live in the present moment.

And it could be related to being on the spectrum, considering that people have the tendency to bully those who do not fit in, and there are also people who try to use punishment to force someone else to change the way they are, and these negative  experiences can lead to trauma. 

Hi Anthony

What you're feeling is relatively normal - we're usually really bad at reading body language and expressions so we can't judge people's motives and intentions.

Unfortunately, that means that it's hard to do social situations and we're easier to manipulate or bully.   

I can only suggest trying to put yourself in gentle social situations - dealing with professionals like shopping or eating out so you get more used to a reality that you can manage rather than avoiding everything.    Maybe work yourself up to looking for friends later on once you feel more comfortable.

Do you have any hobbies that could lead you to a like-minded social group?