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Unmasking experience

Max

Has anyone else on the spectrum spent most of their time on earth presenting as neurotypical? I spent many of my formative years, including all of my adolescence and now adulthood, trying to appear as ordinary as possible. I don't know if I'm 'high-functioning' or simply a good mimic.

This has included:

- keeping my niche interests and tastes to myself unless I know for certain that others will find them agreeable

- keeping physical tics to a bare minimum

- hiding my true feelings/opinions (this could be related to C-PTSD)

- mirroring the personalities or quirks of other people

I'm a deeply unhappy person with no real sense of self, no real friends and nowhere that I belong. That's what you get for trying to please everyone else!

If anyone has had a similar experience, feel free to share them here.

Thanks.

Parents

  • Hi Max, Thanks for asking this!

    I had no Idea what masking was until my assessment 3 months ago. I really dont understand what I do as masking, I am still just learning that. However, the more I read here, the more I can relate to a lot of things being mentioned.

    I have spent my whole life (56 years) trying to be liked or fit in! Im sure some people actually do like me, but I dont know that and cant calculate that either, I suppose if they didnt like me, then they wouldnt be around me?

    I have and still do, get weary trying to please "Everyone" to make sure they are happy, I do this because "I understand" the feeling of what it is like to be unhappy and I dont want people feeling that feeling as it is very intense for me, so I assume it would be for others, if that makes sense. Then I woulder in situations WHY someone has been inconsiderate and made me unhappy, (im sure it wasnt meant} but they dont see or feel the turmoil this causes internally to me! So this is buried deep in the subconscious mind, where it rumiates, thus leaving me anxious and bewildered! So I always tend to go along with whatever others like doing, so that I can fit in and have a circle of friends.

    It is only now I am realising that most of these people are just passing aquaintances from time to time, not friends, but I still feel obliged to make them happy so as to fine me likable! perhaps this is not masking, but a seperate issue? I dont really know? As I say, I am only just finding out myself what this is all about.. I know I have lots more to understand...

  • in reply to Markochef65

    Thank you for responding.

    I believe what you're describing is a separate issue, sometimes called 'people pleasing'. It is symptomatic of childhood neglect, borne of the idea that we have to constantly do things for others in order to be worthy of their love. And what we 'do' for others in order to 'people please' can take many forms, so long as our true selves/feelings take a backseat. 

  • in reply to Max

    I have to be honest and fair Max, I cant say I was neglected as a child, I have no doubts about being loved as a child or as an adult.

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