Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
Hope you are all doing well.
I found out via an assessment that I have high functioning autism, I mask well and do not come across as autistic but I do need to adapt my life to my own needs for example I just cannot hack a working environment.
I told a family member about it someone that I can trust, however, recently family have been picking on me and bullying me. The trusted family member had not leaked my secret, and I fear that the other family members might have found out through their working environments. The thing is these family members have always been narcasstic towards me.
I decided to text the family member I know that it was an error in my diagnoses and that I am not autistic. They said that they had been worried sick about my conditions and that they have believed me. I do not like lying, but to save myself I am having to retract it. As I was getting treated as being different etc.
I am now going to have to put on the mask in public and around family friends all the time and then retreat into my world when alone.
The thing is I like being Autistic, I actually feel that being neuro typical must be hard for them as they live in a bizarre world talking about food all the time as the main topic of small talk etc etc.
I just think I need to keep this to myself. I feel that I need to keep it to myself and just the few professionals that know about it such as my doctor and those that help me with PIP.
Anyone else in the same boat?
That's really unfair. Do you have friends whom you could trust who wouldn't judge you?
I wish people were less ignorant and judgemental about autism. One of my best friends also has high-functioning autism, and he was advised not to disclose it at work because it might affect him negatively at work. Which is unfair because he's good at his job.
Sadly I don't have anyone like that. I live in a city that is pretty coldhearted. It is unfair, as it would be nice to have a few close friends who would understand. I am currently shielding, but I am having to research in order that when I am not shielding anymore how I am going to act with people in society etc. So that I can mask even more successfully. And then I can come come close the door, put on Star Trek, dance about the place, put on the clothes that I like to wear talk to my pet and just be me. Meaning that I plan to spend more time at home anyway.
That's really unfair, and unsustainable I'm sorry to say but if you mask 24/7, you will burn out eventually.
I can understand having to mask at work, but I think you need to make some new friends!
I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are amazing, and fellow weirdos. In my social butterfly days, 95% of people I met disliked me and got all their friends to collectively dislike me because I'm weird and therefore scary, but my weirdness attracted my fellow weirdos, which is great! All of my friends have been told by the masses not to interact with me because I'm a freak, but they don't give a hoot! All of this stuff used to really bother me until the not-too-distant past, but now I don't care - my friends are loyal to me, and all the other ex-acquaintances are kind of pathetic with their constant bitching about me.
Honestly, the lesson I'm learning since my diagnosis is, the less hoots I give and the more I'm myself, the happier I am. It does come with sacrifices (losing people) but generally I'm happier overall.
And thanks
Sorry to hear about your parents. My father is a narcissist, I am scared of him so I broke of contact with him. My mum is nice but I feel it is best for me to retract as I mentioned before.
Yes hopefully I will meet some decent friends in time.
You are a good writer btw.
There is no way that I could return to a working environment as they are just so stressful.
Thanks for your wisdom it is very helpful and I appreciate it very much.
You don't have to put up with it. I am estranged from my parents because they bullied and abused me constantly (my mother is a narcissist, my father is kind of willingly under the thumb out of convenience, and quite an amoral selfish person also - he agrees with her all the time because it's convenient). Sometimes people give me *** for it, saying things like "but they're your parents!" or call me names, but I don't care - if your family are detrimental to your mental health, you don't have to put up with them.
Honestly, if you can't be yourself around your friends, then they're not really your friends and you need to make some new ones. I was diagnosed in 2019 and had a major burnout in the same year, and stopped working then, and I lost 95% of my "friends" - I stopped masking 24/7, so some of them found me "cringe" and others looked down on me for not working, and said I should "try harder". I was really sad about it at the time, but now I'm glad, because none of those people were really my friends. I don't have the time of day for fair-weather acquaintances in front of whom I should put on a performance, they're not worth it.
I do not work as I burn out at work and could not hack a Job. I get a painful condition on an off so I just tell people that I work from home which is not a lie as I do online courses in a hope to build my own business when I figure out what I want to do.
Yeah I burn out a lot and would burn out at work a lot. I am actually just recovering from a 5 year shutdown!
I am glad you have your friends now. It is so horrible that people cannot accept people for who they are. If we do not act, dress, speak, eat the same as them they go nuts at us!!
I just know that after a lifetime of bullying from the family that I have to stay away as much as possible. I am even thinking of moving to another part of the country altogether.