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IGNORE POST Can I Ask For Opinions/Views Please

Pikl

Hi everyone,

PLEASE IGNORE POST

I'm all over the place at the moment, forgetting to take my depression medication for days, then remembering for a couple of days and forgetting again. I'm literally on a rollercoaster. 

I am thinking of starting a project, because I believe in it, and because hopefully fighting for a cause will give me a reason to carry on.

Anyway, I work in early years education, with children who have SEN. I often dislike what professionals suggest in terms of how to work with children who have ASD. I use a lot of my own intuition. With my relatively recent diagnosis,  I understand so much more, in regards to my myself, and the children I work with.

I really believe that change needs to happen, in education,  which may then filter into wider society. I would really like to help make changes.

At the same time, I'm not entirely sure if my rollercoaster mental state is making me think I can do this, or that it could even make a difference.  I was thinking of research to compile and write a book. This could be my own emotional fantasy that's doing this.

I would be really grateful for your views, ideas and opinions. Including places where I could work that may make a change.

If you think that my messed up mind is tricking me, please tell me that also.

Thank you, and sorry for long post.

Parents

  • How about allowing yourself to work on the new project idea, but weaving in ways to make sure the way you work on it is flexible so it's okay if you feel like a rollercoaster. Maybe starting by compiling a loose collection of ideas and remembering it's okay if it doesn't all make sense... YET! Notes like these will last as long as you need them to. Will help you feel you're contributing to something, which you are, yet the pressure is off when it comes to making it a formal, finished project... until you're ready.

    Also..... How would you support one of the children you've worked with if they asked you the same type of question? It sounds like you may already know some brilliant things that aren't just relevant to children - I'd bet there are plenty of life lessons in the valuable work you've been doing.

    I wasn't sure if you were asking for advice about how you're feeling as well - about feeling like a rollercoaster and forgetting your meds. Hope you're doing okay or at least feel you have the support you need on that.

  • in reply to Mantra

    Mantra, thank you so very much. That's a great idea. No pressure note taking, I will definitely remind myself of that. I do tend to jump into things without thinking them through. That's why I wasn't sure if I was having a reasonable idea or if I'm losing the plot. 

    I'm honestly all over the place, shifting between planning to end it all, and fighting to bring myself back. Thanks again.

  • in reply to Pikl

    I think I understand what you're describing. I'd recommend to make the most of the good moments and let yourself feel low if you feel low. When I've felt like you have, I've wanted to feel similar each day and throughout each day... it's so hard when your internal world keeps shifting with no sense of control. But keep focusing on what you need in each moment.... if it's working on the project, do it. If it's even ripping up your newly made notes, do it. If it's collapsing in a heap and feeling low, do it (and obviously, seek support when you need it on this - this is not to suggest you should go through this alone).

    I've found the acceptance of my ups and downs - when they're as pronounced and rollercoaster-y as you describe - the hardest part. It's actually my struggles AGAINST the ups and downs that makes it infinitely harder. I refuse to accept it, so when I'm down I beat myself up more. When I'm up I say "why wasn't I like this earlier"... But when I find that middle ground of accepting that this is how I'm feeling... for now (not forever).... remembering that it's okay to feel whatever that is.... some kind of peace joins me. It doesn't solve everything or make the rest disappear magically, but lifts a weight.

    Remember those little things that keep you going - hope the project brings you some moments of joy when you need it.

  • in reply to Pikl

    You're welcome.

    And you're not alone (in the metaphorical sense, anyway).

  • in reply to Mantra

    Thats exactly how i feel with the ups and downs. Thank you. I tend to push away form of help, and i know i shouldn't. I think the lows like me being low, and try to maintain it, does that make sense? And fighting it is so hard, as you said, and draining. Thank you for the amazing advice!

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  • in reply to Mantra

    Thats exactly how i feel with the ups and downs. Thank you. I tend to push away form of help, and i know i shouldn't. I think the lows like me being low, and try to maintain it, does that make sense? And fighting it is so hard, as you said, and draining. Thank you for the amazing advice!

Children