IGNORE POST Can I Ask For Opinions/Views Please

My experience is that they do work, but not in the same way as other medication. E.g. how pain meds help reduce pain - this concept is quite simple. Anti-depressants aren't as straight forward as that and must be customised. They take about 2+ weeks for changes to be felt once you start on them, and then after that it's usual that levels of the medications(s) will need to be adjusted regularly as our biology adapts to the new medication, life changes, and so on.

My experience was that my low feelings were less low, but also my high feelings were less high. Both ends of my emotional scales were capped. It helped stabilise me when I need it, though. For the first time in my life, I could watch horror movies without feeling shock. In fact, I tried to watch them more because I felt like I wasn't really 'feeling' as much. It made life feel a bit surreal, but I needed that cushioning at the time.

Some anti-depressants have side effects, but they differ. There are different meds, different combinations of meds and so on, so there are choices... usually these are discussed with you beforehand as it's important to get a good fit for you, and any other health issues, lifestyle, etc.

On a personal level, I much prefer other non-medication therapies because they helped me make positive changes in my life and learn positive things that I could keep with me for life. But if I was desperate like I was before, I wouldn't hesitate to have anti-depressants again. But for a finite time at the same time as other interventions.

We often lack the strength to individually fight against the rising tides - so yes, a book would be a great idea - get all your thoughts into one place and see if it all adds up to something worth trying. 

Dawn thank you,  so very much.

1. If you are holding it together well enough to work, my God you have some kind of inner strength. You certainly sound very dedicated.

2. Your ideas about the kids might well be sound, but it may be that it won't be until you've had a chance to come to terms with your own stuff and stand back from it a bit that you will see exactly where your insights can make an improvement. It's not a "fantasy" to want to use personal experience to make other people's lives better, but you need a bit of care for you first. Don't put yourself under pressure over it, it will come.

3. Your meds. Not a fan personally, but if they are helping you: pill box and set a reminder on your phone?? If they aren't helping even when you do take them, go back to your GP. They may need to re-assess them anyway in light of you diagnosis. I reading more and more that some of these things can be given to people with ASC ok and some of them can't.

But hang on in there. Something tells me that if you can get yourself into a stronger place, you could be a powerhouse of positive change.

They are supposed to lift your mood enough that you feel able to do the rest yourself. Combine inconsistent taking of pills with severe depression, and you end up in a right pickle (pun intended)

ah might be no difference then. perhaps depression meds are like that thing where they give you pills that do nothing and expect your mind to think they work? placebo or something..

My experience with medication is I don't seem to notice a difference, until I mess it up. Though I'm not sure if it's the meds or natural mood, or both that causes the emotional climb and then free fall.

Thank you!

And you're right, "whatever you manage to do today is a gift" I need to remember that! 

id like to ask though, what does depression medicine feel like? do you feel a instant effect or change in mood? does all your bad thoughts go away?

as for something to do, i have always thought of doing one of them long walk hiking trails like the highland way or something. you should google that, looks pretty awesome thing to do, but then again maybe it only looks good to me because i dont get out much lol

You're welcome.

And you're not alone (in the metaphorical sense, anyway).

Yes that happens to me too. I just try to take it day by day, and I do a test for my motivation and focus levels in the morning (in other words, test my anxiety and depression levels), and if I can't focus on a book I'm reading, or I don't feel like exercising or moving around because I'm lacking motivation, then I know that I have something affecting me that day, and I have to be easy on myself as in not beat myself over it, but I also know that I need to take care of myself (which I don't feel motivated to do) to come out of it. It is definately like being on a rollarcoaster ride for sure. 

Even if you put a little time into your project, that's better than nothing. I mean I know it's hard if not impossible to plan out which day of the week to do certain tasks on, because you don't even know if you'll be feeling well tomorrow or the next day, so whatever you can manage to do today is a gift. 

Thank you. I am wondering if starting a project is perhaps a large part to distract me from the depression. Its really hard to think straight. I get excited over new ideas, bounce around many of them. Then do nothing or very lityle because im cycling through emotions too fast.

Thats exactly how i feel with the ups and downs. Thank you. I tend to push away form of help, and i know i shouldn't. I think the lows like me being low, and try to maintain it, does that make sense? And fighting it is so hard, as you said, and draining. Thank you for the amazing advice!

Thats amazing! Word has spread about the nursery,  and September we have so many children with ASD coming in. Means i will be busy. I just really want to make a difference,  not for my own satisfaction,  but for the children. I want them to have a lifetime of acceptance and to feel valued.

Thank you BJS, you are so kind.

I think I understand what you're describing. I'd recommend to make the most of the good moments and let yourself feel low if you feel low. When I've felt like you have, I've wanted to feel similar each day and throughout each day... it's so hard when your internal world keeps shifting with no sense of control. But keep focusing on what you need in each moment.... if it's working on the project, do it. If it's even ripping up your newly made notes, do it. If it's collapsing in a heap and feeling low, do it (and obviously, seek support when you need it on this - this is not to suggest you should go through this alone).

I've found the acceptance of my ups and downs - when they're as pronounced and rollercoaster-y as you describe - the hardest part. It's actually my struggles AGAINST the ups and downs that makes it infinitely harder. I refuse to accept it, so when I'm down I beat myself up more. When I'm up I say "why wasn't I like this earlier"... But when I find that middle ground of accepting that this is how I'm feeling... for now (not forever).... remembering that it's okay to feel whatever that is.... some kind of peace joins me. It doesn't solve everything or make the rest disappear magically, but lifts a weight.

Remember those little things that keep you going - hope the project brings you some moments of joy when you need it.

Positive in a way that the first school was getting regarded as something of a good provider of SEN so we were getting more and more applications, unfortunately funds were quite tight 

I think that your cause to make a change in the world is reasonable. I know that depression can make people lack motivation and focus (including me), so it's very important that you take the steps to come out of depression, so you can help others. 

I'd suggest perhaps setting a timer for when you need to take medication for the day or week. 

i hope you do find something to help you, we are obviously here for you as well if you ever need to chat in topic or pm.

Did you really see positive changes?