How to get my child to interact with other children

Daniel said:

t's common that autistc people have the preference to hang out and interact with a different age groups to their own, I preferred adults as well. 

Yes - adults are more stable and predictable - less stress and chaos.     You may have to be your son's playmate to encourage him to do all the 'normal' activities that the others do.    Be the model of behaviour and teach him all the things that he won't pick up on his own.     A sort of Jiminy Chricket character for him.

There's nothing wrong with him playing on his own - we tend to like our own company or people very like us or people we consider 'safe'.

A common interest can help gather friends - things like Lego or trains or cars - what lights him up?

I was exactly like that too - I felt far more comfortable around adults and people older than me than people of my own age. When there were gatherings or birthday parties involving adults and children, I'd stick with the adults, who wanted me to play with the children because of course they wanted to be adults and talk and catch up, which is totally understandable and fair enough; they didn't really want me. I don't quite know why I felt more comfortable with people who were older than me, but it seems to be a common story. Now my dearest friend is a man of 68 - I'm 33 and he calls me his pretend daughter as he's estranged from his own daughter. We have a very special, beautiful relationship. People think our friendship is strange but neither of us care; we know it isn't strange in a negative way. As long as your son is happy, then I think the best thing you can do is to reassure him that he's perfect as he is to you and that you love him and accept him. Some people are more introverted and don't communicate in the way that we expect and form relationships differently and that's OK. Everything is OK unless it hurts anyone, or has destructive/negative outcomes for anyone. It really does take all sorts to make a world.

See I thought his social skills where great. The nursery keep complaining he isn't socialising with other children. I know he has no issues when talking to anyone even if it's just to say hello. He loves meeting new people.

I'm just going to let him do his own thing I think. He has own personality and not wanting to socalise in my belief is his own individual choice. Everyone does not do everything at the same time and he is happy

I will try this and thank you

Yes I agree with that. And your point is very accurate. I found near Christmas there was very little children in and he was playing with two other children. 

Thank you for this. I thought the same. I'm just going to ignore people's comments and how he wants to interact I'm happy with that

I concur with the other responses. Leave him be. 

Let me tell you about my childhood but assure you I turned out ok...

As a pre-schooler, I spent almost all my time playing alone in my room. My mother out of desperation a time or two insisted I play downstairs. I resented her for it. If she tried to play with me, I stopped playing altogether. I didn't want her interfering in what I was doing.

But that didn't mean I never interacted. Our next door neighbour was a lovely man. Sometimes he took his grandson, my brother and me for long nature walks and taught us all sorts of stuff. I loved that. I'd always want someone to read me stories. But I wanted to play ALONE.

My first day of school was very disappointing. I'd been promised they would teach me to read and write, but instead the children were playing and were very noisy. I was horrified. What they were doing was pointless. Where were the individual desks with ink pots and pens for me to write?  I spent all my playtimes alone, trying to stay warm. I did not dislike the other children. Nor was I afraid of them. They just weren't doing anything remotely interesting. And they were very boisterous and chaotic.

But it didn't mean I never interacted. If another kid needed my help, I gave it. If the teacher asked us to do a task together, ok I'd rather do it alone  but I helped them. I very much liked the company of adults and older children; they didn't play, but talked about more interesting things and they were calmer.

Yes, I was bullied, lonely and miserable in middle school  but magically, by secondary school the other kids grew up. Some of them were nice and interested in the same stuff I was. Suddenly, relationships were built on quiet conversation, not noisy chaotic play. Play time became break time and there were lunch and afterschool clubs for the things we liked to do. I made friends. 

I am a linguist and have had a career as a trainer and tutor, all of which demands people skills. I draw on my intellect not my intuition to work out what others feel and need. It might well have been very tiring, but it was rewarding. I DO interact. My hobbies are all still solitary ones, mind. 

I think what I'm saying is, whilst you will need a watchful eye to see that your son isn't bullied or exploited, if 10 year olds and adults seem like good company to him, he will interact in the end on his own terms. Meanwhile, his peers and their mess and noise may be all a bit much for him.  For now he needs his solitary play

Yep, that sums up my childhood too.

I'd say that being around other kids his age at they nursery, is like being at a party, there's a lot of noise, it's crowded (especially in a group when you have to be so close to others), and then if you find it overwhelming, you'll have the tendency to just wonder away from it to find a cozy quiet place to be. It's like those movie scenes where a person is just relaxing on the balcony, and there's party sounds in the background. They're still close enough to enjoy the sounds and hear the voices of others at the party, but they still have space to do their own thing. 

Your son will interact with others who he finds interesting, which is probably why he gravitates towards those older than he is, and he looks up to them for their knowledge and experience in life, and wants to learn from them.

Perhaps he will interact with other children his age if there's fewer children around, and if they share similar interests as he does. 

It's common that autistc people have the preference to hang out and interact with a different age groups to their own, I preferred adults as well. 

There's evidence showing that people on The Autism Spectrum are not so prone so social influences or vulnerable to peer pressure, 

If nursery's too populated for him he will try and tune the environment out because of the stimuli. 

Don't force your son to interact with people he doesn't want to interact with, you can take a better approach. Ask members of staff if there's any children who are interested in what he's doing by himself, shared interests is a good way to learn social skills. With autistic people talking so much about their interests, anyone with the same interest won't be bothered because they'll be interested in it.

I'll leave the advice as to whether it's possible to make him interact with other children, or even whether you 'should' make him, to others more qualified than I because that's beyond my knowledge. All I can give you is personal experience. As a child I was very insular. I didn't interact with other kids my age, much preferring to do my own thing. I know I would have hated it if I'd been forced to interact. Eventually, when I was around 11/12, I did start to socialise with kids my age, but even then I preferred doing things on my own a lot of the time (still do). So, he may be perfectly happy, he may not want to bother with other kids? My granddaughter (aged 10) is like that too. She does have one good friend but doesn't see her often (though they play a computer game online together a lot), the rest of the time she's content to stay in her room and amuse herself. Her mum is always trying to make her come out and play with her sister or join in family games, which she doesn't want to do. I tend to let her be when she stays with me, because I know how she feels. I really don't know which is the *right* thing to do.