Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm relatively new to the forum - I appreciate hearing other people's experiences here because it has been helping me overcome something: denial of my challenges.
I've been so deep in denial that I've closed off memories of my past when things were at their worst and I felt beyond my limit. But slowly these memories have started to come back, especially now I'm seeking ways to learn about my own autistic traits (beyond the generic descriptions) and find ways to support myself now and in the future.
I have been denying my struggles on the inside: the pain, the stress, the health issues (most likely linked with huge levels of stress over years). I've been masking for myself (not just others).
The problem today is that I'm doing WELL! (Ha, I know, that doesn't sound like a problem). But when I'm relaxed, doing well, reasonably healthy and so on... I can pass as non-autistic and fool myself. I forget my sensory sensitivities and my limited capacity to process things, for example, yet I think I try to forget these on purpose (on a sub conscious level).
Have any of you been through this process of recognising and accepting your challenges after so long of denying them to yourself?
I welcome any thoughts or experiences if you're comfortable sharing them.
[Post edited 02/06/21 to simplify it and make it clearer what I'm asking about.]
Hi. As someone who has just recognized that i am Autistic it can be hard to come to terms with it. But now it all Just Makes Sense!. Acceptance is easier when you realize that you can now see what has been going wrong in your life all this time. So no, we are not mad or bad but rather more unique then most people!
TheGreenFrog said:But now it all Just Makes Sense!
Yes, you nailed it!
TheGreenFrog said:So no, we are not mad or bad but rather more unique then most people!
I love the above quote, too!
I have felt what you described, and it is liberating! I wish this could help me accept myself when I am struggling, but it seems to only work AFTER the struggles have subsided. And even then, I seem to have a lifetime habit of trying to hide it all, brush it under the carpet, act as if nothing happened. I'm ready to ditch these habits, though. They're not helping! Reading your words - and others' words here - are helping me accept myself, though. It's so good to realise I'm not alone.