# Daily updates 3 # by aidie

Took a day trip to Coventry today to see the Cathedral. Well worth doing.

If it helps, what I do for myself is close my eyes, take a deep breath and imagine that all the worries, all the panic, all the things that are creating chaos for me, are tangible things in front of me.

I then take another deep breath, physically take a step back as if I'm stepping away from these things.

Breath deeply and slowly, notice that there is now a space between these issues and myself and give myself a few seconds of not having to deal with any of it.

Once I've done that, I look to see if there is one thing that I can deal with right now. If not, can I do something physical like tidy my desk? Just something that distracts me. The more I do this, the more I find it's easier to cope with whats happening.

I don't know if that could help you, there are plenty of other ways, you may have a few techniques of your own. That is just the way I've managed to deal.

Not been a good day. I'm so up and down at the moment, I'm so confused. I really can't keep on like this.

God willing, the maps for the land which the buyer's solicitors seek will be submitted by the end of work Friday. At 4:30 pm; the bungalow in Moneymore I want will be surveyed, and my uncle promised me - at the shop this afternoon - that he'll see it at the same time.

Later, this evening, I'll attend the Prayer Group at the Mission Tent for Stewartstown Christian Fellowship. My prayers have worked so far; at least, in terms of Brentford making the Premiership. But now I need to up the ante. I'll end up broke again if there's no money coming this month.

Also, God willing, I'll see my solicitor on Friday in relation to the Rates bill.

Ethan a lot of what you say in your posts chime with me and this is another one. So I just thought I'd let you know.

Long day and the penny has finally dropped. It's now clear to me as to how NT's work. What I had to do to get clarity around a piece of work today, unpicking e-mail chains, who had responsibility for what, had all the relevant information been cascaded (it hadn't) etc...? I was in a meeting summarising things.... "is my understanding correct?" I asked.

Silence.

These were all leaders in my organisation - the only reason I'm there is because I'm still covering management duties. 

I checked in with a trusted ally. "Is this normal?". She told me it was. 

Struggled with the heat the last few days - lots of drinking water and sleeping. It took over a day and a half for my brain to stop generating ideas for work. There's going to be a load of e-mails to read when I log on tomorrow - all from myself.

Talk a two hour walk this evening when it was slightly cooler. I'm always refocused and refreshed after my walks, it's like "dusting for the mind" - all the clutter gets cleared out. I'm regretful I lost the self-care discipline when I returned to work (it's not that I don't self-care - it's that I don't do enough of the exercise and self-reflection). Standing in the middle of woodland with nothing but birds and the occasional squirrel (or brave hare) for company is the best therapy I could have.

Clocked someone with the hidden disabilities lanyard behind the counter at my local. Not sure if she saw my wristband but it's nice to see this idea being supported in my sleepy village.

Speaking of my sleepy village I've always wrestled with whether or not moving to one was the right idea. I do miss cities but then on my walk today, looking across nothing but green fields and blue skies surrounded by quiet (apart from a very vocal nature!), I figured to have all that on my doorstep is worth way more than being in the center of things and people just for the sake of it.

Finding less time to spend on the forum. Perhaps it's a work thing - but I find I need more and more time to decompress. Some of this is information overload - things come to the fore and I'm not consciously thinking about them. They just kind of "pop in there" - what I do know is that the more stuff I give it (or the more stuff I'm exposed to where I've got some kind of agency) the more some part of me somewhere will be happily processing away at it until a "thing" is generated.

Not sure how to manage that. 

Ouch !

Got a three-hour nap. And I had a short chat with my Goiogle Duo buddy from Toronto - she wasn't answering my calls last night as she had depression.

I had spent over £400 on food this month; £210 on groceries, and £190 eating out. Ouch!

good bless your friends

It's been doing that since Covid hit and they realised they weren't prepared for it. Fortunately,  I got some info from someone I know, so I've not had sleepless nights thinking about the 50 million possible options. It also means I won't get to my meeting in a panic and I'll be able to ask useful questions and be able to absorb the answers. I've been trying to get them to understand the damage they cause when they ignore my requests for information. I doubt they'll ever understand.  It's infuriating. It's fortunate that I do have friends who know me far better!

u go on leave and the place falls to bits

I've been on leave for the last week so now I need to get ready for work tomorrow . I've already heard there is some drama and despite asking management to give me an idea so my anxiety monster doesn't get fed, I've been met with silence. The excuse I'll get will be 'we didn't want to worry you'.

I ended up driving to a park-and-ride to get a bus to and from the Folk Park.

Home in one piece,  thank God, but the drive home after the bus was a dodgem ride and a half.

Trying to sleep now.

its always nice PMing with U    ---- see u later

So rude

yea i came in for a break i was sweating like crazy  and got nabbed by Pikl

Warm outside where I am but inside is cool

good for u pikl new head.   incredible day here sun sun sun

I've been productively creative today, feels really good to be making things, even just a few simple bits.