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Processing conversations

Deleted User

I was diagnosed with Aspergers earlier this year. The main thing which got me thinking about if I was on the spectrum was that I've always felt a bit "out of step" in conversations although from "coming out" to people no-one has ever really noticed apart from me. (Tania Marshall's comment on "missing a conversation gene" was what set it all off).  From some comments by my assessor to a few things in my report, to analysing situations in a new light, it's got me thinking about how I process conversations.

It feels like it's very much a cognitive process to interact with other people. I seem to notice this more when I'm tired in that I struggle more to have conversations because there isn't enough room in my brain. Even when it's a bit of chit chat and not big in-depth questions, I still feel I need to "think" about what's being said and what I'm saying. But it happens so quickly myself or others don't notice it. Can anyone relate to this? When I've brought this idea up with a non-AS person they have said that they too have to think about things in conversations but I think it feels different for me but I cannot explain quite why. I haven't been able to find much on the internet other than a comment on an unrelated youtube video. I feel this also relates to why I think so much about conversations after they have happened - maybe at the time there were things which I didn't process.

Does anyone else feel that for them conversation is more cognitive rather than intuitive? I'm not saying non-AS people communicate solely on an intuitive basis, but perhaps it's more intuitive than cognitive. Whereas for people on the spectrum it's the other way round. Let's discuss....

Parents

  • In a quick answer (because it's late and I could write all night given half a chance) yes. There's a level of intuition across NT's that I don't think I have.

    It's more noticeable now I'm on managers meetings where there's no set agenda for topics (bring them back!) and the exchanges are more free-flowing and things are a lot more fluid. There's been several occasions where I've seen  something come out of the blue which has kicked off an exchange of ideas which go into full flow across several people - people know when to jump in, jump out, pick up a thread, drop another one, offer support, arrange a meeting and move back and forth in between topics. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching an orchestra completely in tune and I'm sat there with a triangle with no idea when to play my note. 

    The more folk there is - the harder I find it to keep track of where things are, and I've had many an occasion where I've been asked what I think after an energetic exchange, where lots of ideas have been batted around, and I've had to ask someone to bring me up to speed because I've lost the thread (or become overloaded and switched off). 

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  • In a quick answer (because it's late and I could write all night given half a chance) yes. There's a level of intuition across NT's that I don't think I have.

    It's more noticeable now I'm on managers meetings where there's no set agenda for topics (bring them back!) and the exchanges are more free-flowing and things are a lot more fluid. There's been several occasions where I've seen  something come out of the blue which has kicked off an exchange of ideas which go into full flow across several people - people know when to jump in, jump out, pick up a thread, drop another one, offer support, arrange a meeting and move back and forth in between topics. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching an orchestra completely in tune and I'm sat there with a triangle with no idea when to play my note. 

    The more folk there is - the harder I find it to keep track of where things are, and I've had many an occasion where I've been asked what I think after an energetic exchange, where lots of ideas have been batted around, and I've had to ask someone to bring me up to speed because I've lost the thread (or become overloaded and switched off). 

Children
  • in reply to Ethan
    Ethan said:
    Sometimes I feel like I'm watching an orchestra completely in tune and I'm sat there with a triangle with no idea when to play my note. 

    I love that!! Then sometimes one might just wade in with some big cymbals to be heard or a really out of tune instrument and everyone else is like WTF.

    Yes it's definitely harder the more people. I used to think 4 including myself was a good number but even now I notice I get lost. The whole "what do you think" question is very vague and I struggle with that cos it's not specific enough. I also think I need time to weigh up my own opinion on something and digest what's been said. 

    I did observe in a situation once, I can't remember the specifics,  that I found myself making a leap of faith in what someone was meaning.  This turned out to be the correct leap,  but it didn't come naturally and I wonder if non AS people are better at this.

    I also remember once with a good friend when we were meeting new people, as I just sat there quietly observing, he and this other guy were sort of "steps ahead" in where the conversation was going while I was lagging behind. And like, they had missed logical steps out which they felt didn't need to be there cos both knew what was happening in the conversation.

    And today with my friend who is easy to talk to, she kept changing the subject and I didn't know where I stood. 

    I'd be happy for you to write more! It's something which interests me yet I find it difficult to talk about this with anyone without coming across as mard or overthinking.