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Processing conversations

Deleted User

I was diagnosed with Aspergers earlier this year. The main thing which got me thinking about if I was on the spectrum was that I've always felt a bit "out of step" in conversations although from "coming out" to people no-one has ever really noticed apart from me. (Tania Marshall's comment on "missing a conversation gene" was what set it all off).  From some comments by my assessor to a few things in my report, to analysing situations in a new light, it's got me thinking about how I process conversations.

It feels like it's very much a cognitive process to interact with other people. I seem to notice this more when I'm tired in that I struggle more to have conversations because there isn't enough room in my brain. Even when it's a bit of chit chat and not big in-depth questions, I still feel I need to "think" about what's being said and what I'm saying. But it happens so quickly myself or others don't notice it. Can anyone relate to this? When I've brought this idea up with a non-AS person they have said that they too have to think about things in conversations but I think it feels different for me but I cannot explain quite why. I haven't been able to find much on the internet other than a comment on an unrelated youtube video. I feel this also relates to why I think so much about conversations after they have happened - maybe at the time there were things which I didn't process.

Does anyone else feel that for them conversation is more cognitive rather than intuitive? I'm not saying non-AS people communicate solely on an intuitive basis, but perhaps it's more intuitive than cognitive. Whereas for people on the spectrum it's the other way round. Let's discuss....

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  • I definitely think that conversation is much more of a conscious process for me rather than instinctive - why I find written communication easier.  It feels more intuitive with people I don’t need to mask with or my family.  It’s also a reason why I feel the need to analyse social interaction frequently. I have noted that there are generally two main communication styles for neurotypical people: chatty comments that encourage conversation or a series of questions. 

    Also I don’t know whether conversation feels like a conscious process due to masking. If I didn’t have to mask conversation would be very different.

    Do you find very chatty people overstimulating or sometimes feel interrogated by constant questions? (Even if people are trying to get to know you.)

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    It's a double edged sword! Chatty people make me feel more at ease and possibly more social cues. However some people who can be overly chatty I find difficult because there's more to process and I often forget what I wanted to say. And i have to feign interest.

    I find it really interesting because I know people who I definitely would not consider to be on the spectrum yet they monologue and cannot read when I have had enough (altho I think masking means I don't show this very well).

    I agree it feels more intuitive with people i don't feel a need to mask with.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes I agree that sometimes chatty people make me feel more at ease because they lead conversation and generally don’t have too many immediate expectations. I also find it difficult to process information with overly chatty or overstimulating people.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    yea there is one guy in my office and i can never understand what he says so he has to email me stuff instead ---- hes very nice about it.

  • in reply to aidie

    I agree and this is one of the things I'm just accepting of. Whereas I can make changes in my life to address other difficulties this is one thing which is just part of who I am. I'm just curious about it and what other people think. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    if someone speaks too fast i start to hear nothing. My ears have been tested many times and are fine.  Indeed above average.  it just the processing of speech is my issue.  I no longer worry about it what can I do ??????

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    I think this is the same for non autistic people too...shy people feel more at ease with others who are chatty but maybe for different reasons. I often wondered if it was shyness in myself...but I notice I have difficulties (the working out of what's going on) even when I'm with people I feel relatively comfortable with. 

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