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What do you do when you do not want to talk?

Aaron

I have 2 children and a fiancé and at times they have problems they need advice on or just a listening ear. If you are at the point where you cannot take anything in and are trying to get yourself back on track (recharging) how do you respond or “act”?

I can manage a summary but when things are being repeated and I just cannot take any more info I sort of shut my eyes and slightly turn away. It hurts my fiancé which is understandable because she needs support but I am literally useless to anyone. When I get back on track (recharged) I will always go and see if she is ok but I can guarantee part way through that conversation I will need another recharge and I’ll shut down again.

Any one else feeling my pain?

Parents

  • I will read this with interest because this is something I have struggled with A LOT through my working life. I'm lucky at home that my partner is very understanding and I can be really blunt with him and we laugh it off most of the time. It's in work I have difficulty with this and also that it takes mental effort to think of what I need to do to get out of the situation. I think sometimes I'm being obivous with my body langauge or what I say but perhaps I'm not being explicit enough. (I often wonder how much non-AS people fail to pick up on cues........!) People think sometimes at break that I want to talk when i don't, as to me, a break is needing time to recharge my brain and be quiet.

    A tried and tested method which requires effort on my part is to just remove myself from the room where I work. This often is detrimental as I end up interrupting what I was doing but it's the only way I can give my brain some space. Could you not do a sort of "I need to make a cup of tea and then we can talk about it..." Just be honest with her, it works both ways and you need to accommodate each other's needs. If it's your kids, can you not do a "oh that's nice go and tell your mum about it!"

  • in reply to Deleted User

    This suggestion is fantastic. By the time I get to the point that I need a break I’m very blunt and I guess would come across passive aggressive so it is difficult for me to communicate effectively at that point. I think an ideal conversation for me would be almost like bullet points. A brief summary and off I go. I am lucky with work as it doesn’t require much communication with anyone. I am able to mask very well to the outside world whereas at home with my family I can’t mask as well

  • in reply to Aaron

    Yes and its hard not to snap which I have sadly done many times in the past. One thing which might be a good idea, which I need to do more myself is build time into the day to recharge. This could take the load off slightly when those moments come. I don't know about others here, but I often feel like I would love to exist for a short time without any sensory input or thoughts. To just "be". I suppose mediation could get me there.

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  • in reply to Aaron

    Yes and its hard not to snap which I have sadly done many times in the past. One thing which might be a good idea, which I need to do more myself is build time into the day to recharge. This could take the load off slightly when those moments come. I don't know about others here, but I often feel like I would love to exist for a short time without any sensory input or thoughts. To just "be". I suppose mediation could get me there.

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