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At a loss

NAS72944

Hi my son is now 20. Ignoring suggestions that my son was Autistic growing up (I thought the label was unhelpful) I now see that I failed him. He has no support and feels awkward and 'different' to everyone else. His mental health is now impacted and he is medicated for depression.

He has no motivation and is on course to quitting his 2 year of Uni (cyber security). He is highly intelligent and articulate.

He calls himself a pathological liar. I know he lies to protect him self, but it so difficult to believe anything he says and so difficult to know how to support him!

I think he needs someone to talk to.. psychological help but due to lack of diagnosis, I don't know where to turn.

  • My Son was struggling at Uni too and spoke to someone at the start of his last year ....long story short he was assessed and realised he has Aspergers - it made so much sense to him and he did finish his degree albeit the last three months at home because of Covid.  It did help that he is degree was Psychology and they studied Autism so he began to realise that could tick many of the boxes.  Cyber Security is an amazing degree to do - I so hope he receives help and support from the Uni and can continue.

  • in reply to aidie

    ohh i didn't see he was doing cyber security, yes keep at it there are so many jobs around and not enough people to fill them

  • get him on here quick ........ to leave cyber security is a BIG BIG mistake  ----- i would have jumped at that but I wasnt skilled enough at the time 

    OMG please finish the coarse at all costs

  • He's welcome to join us here. Plenty of people he can talk to, all with our various quirks and ways of figuring it all out. The important thing to remember is that at 20, he still has plenty of time to find himself. Don't push him into anything he doesn't want to do, but talk to him, get him thinking about what it is that he struggles with. Regardless of diagnosis, he can use the advice he gains from the community to make his life easier and help him focus on what he wants to get out of life. 

  • If you make the uni aware, they can often do a brief assessment and that might open up direct support from them - which would get him assistance from the student support team and help with his workload management.

    If you are financially able, you can pay for a private diagnosis - prices seem to be between £800 and £2k.   If you go down that route, you must make sure that their diagnosis is accepted by DWP and NHS to ease any future benefit applications.

    NHS diagnosis can be a 2-year wait.

    I'd suggest your first steps are your GP and talking to the uni.