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for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

aidie

We humans can spend our life blaming other people , circumstances, or our bad luck and thinking about the way life should have been.

We can die that way if we want. That's our privilege, but it's not much fun.

We have to open up to the enormous game going on ( Life ),  that we're part of with all other humans, and species.

Until we see through the game that doesn't work ( blaming others ), we don't play the real game ( experience your life directly ).

Some people never see though it and die without ever having lived.

That's too bad.

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  • I don't know that I agree. You can't fix a problem until you really know what a problem is. And sometimes there is a moment when after years of trying so many different things you realise you are not the problem. The situation you find yourself in is not merely indifferent to your aspirations it actively opposes them. And then you start quoting hamlet "To be, or not to be? That is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and, by opposing, end them?" Because if others really are to blame you have a choice, you can sit in a little pity party and give up trying to fix the broken things that frustrate you so. Or you can choose the path of conflict and 'take arms against a sea of troubles.' Maybe the real criticism we should have of ourselves as autistic people is not that we blame others for limiting our opportunities but that we've been too conflict adverse when they do.

  • in reply to Peter

    I very much agree with both lines of thought. I'm dealing with an ongoing issue involving my Management team. As much as I would like to simply walk away from it and get on with my life, they have created a toxic environment for myself and others. One example is asking a manager why she passed on a private email that I had sent her in confidence (I actually told her that I had been threatened by another manager - she passed email to said manager who told me I was being unreasonable and they were just doing their job). Instead of answering my question, this manager replied with 'I'd like us to move forwards now and look to the future'. I've attempted to deal with numerous issues like that as each time things happen, my mental health takes a beating and gets worse and worse. I acknowledge that I have faults, but my management team actively use gaslighting techniques to push blame onto myself and others.

    Blame is like poison. You have to balance it out so you don't give or take too much. I don't want to simply blame my managers, I want to find genuine solutions to an issue that has been going on for years. Despite the advice I've received from union rep, counsellor, etc, I'm trying to do it without a grievance for my own health but I also need for them to take responsibility and acknowledge that change needs to happen. 

    It is possible to get so focused on something that it seems to envelope everything. I have a step back policy for myself. Step back, maybe focus on something else for a few days, then look at things and see if I have missed something. Try and think of the situation from a different point of view, perhaps talk to someone who doesn't know the situation and see how they perceive it. If I feel myself getting worked up, this usually helps me to find some clarity.

  • in reply to Loz

    It's a shame your management team couldn't be similarly introspective and self-accountable. Wouldn't life be so much easier if everyone else took a little bit of ownership?

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