I have one really good, professional support worker, who has supported me for three years. She is employed by my local Autism charity, and is my 'key-worker', so I see her the majority of the time.
I have recently started to see another support worker, who supports me when the other one is not available, which is one to two days a week. I have a mixed relationship with this one. On the one hand she is very nice, but she smells of cigarette smoke, and this makes me feel slightly uneasy if I get too close to her - my sense of smell is quite acute. Secondly, she often goes for long periods without saying anthing when I am walking with her, making me feel anxious. I sometimes feel like she is not listening to me when I speak because it takes her a while to say anything, so I end up repeating myself,and sometimes she walks far ahead of me instead of walking beside me.
Today she annoyed me. I had just gone shopping with her, and I wheel a heavy shopping trolley back to my flat. As we were walking, I saw some dogs and felt the need to cross the road - I have a dog phobia. She said, 'now don't run off because there is a busy road', as if I were going to!. We crossed the road safely, but had to navigate some building works by the pavement. She then suggested I get the bus in the future because it is not safe walking back in the dark with a heavy trolley and things that make me anxious. I told her that I would get the bus if I was in time for one after shopping, but waiting for one makes me anxious so in that case I would rather walk.
The trolley was heavy and it flipped over due to its weight, making me stressed. I asked her if she would wheel it a bit for me, as I had just wheeled it half-way up a hill and felt exhausted. She did this, but then said that 'I am not here to wheel heavy trolleys and possibly hurt myself in the process!'. This comment made me feel upset, as she had just agreed to wheel it for me, so why would she agree to do something if really she did not want to do it?. Also, it felt like she was telling me off. My regular support worker wheels the trolley for me sometimes, and when I ask if she is sure this is ok, she says that she would gladly help me in this way. So why did my other support worker come out with such a strange comment?. I have been analysing what she meant all evening, and I feel annoyed by it.
