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Support worker issues.

Hope

I have one really good, professional support worker, who has supported me for three years. She is employed by my local Autism charity, and is my 'key-worker', so I see her the majority of the time.

I have recently started to see another support worker, who supports me when the other one is not available, which is one to two days a week. I have a mixed relationship with this one. On the one hand she is very nice, but she smells of cigarette smoke, and this makes me feel slightly uneasy if I get too close to her - my sense of smell is quite acute. Secondly, she often goes for long periods without saying anthing when I am walking with her, making me feel anxious. I sometimes feel like she is not listening to me when I speak because it takes her a while to say anything, so I end up repeating myself,and sometimes she walks far ahead of me instead of walking beside me. 

Today she annoyed me. I had just gone shopping with her, and I wheel a heavy shopping trolley back to my flat. As we were walking, I saw some dogs and felt the need to cross the road - I have a dog phobia. She said, 'now don't run off because there is a busy road', as if I were going to!. We crossed the road safely, but had to navigate some building works by the pavement. She then suggested I get the bus in the future because it is not safe walking back in the dark with a heavy trolley and things that make me anxious. I told her that I would get the bus if I was in time for one after shopping, but waiting for one makes me anxious so in that case I would rather walk.

The trolley was heavy and it flipped over due to its weight, making me stressed. I asked her if she would wheel it a bit for me, as I had just wheeled it half-way up a hill and felt exhausted. She did this, but then said that 'I am not here to wheel heavy trolleys and possibly hurt myself in the process!'. This comment made me feel upset, as she had just agreed to wheel it for me, so why would she agree to do something if really she did not want to do it?. Also, it felt like she was telling me off. My regular support worker wheels the trolley for me sometimes, and when I ask if she is sure this is ok, she says that she would gladly help me in this way. So why did my other support worker come out with such a strange comment?. I have been analysing what she meant all evening, and I feel annoyed by it.

  • D = S

    dislike equals stress

    L = P

    like equals peace

  • Your intuition seems supported by the behaviour you describe - it shows a lack of sensitivity to what you need. A situation which should feel supportive instead feels stressful. It will probably undermine your confidence in going out places with her. Trust your instinct! Smile

  • This may just be, but I sometimes get the impression, an intuition if you like, that this particular support worker does not really understand me.  Maybe this just reflects my insecurity and inability to work out other people's intentions, however I instinctively feel comfortable with some people and on edge with others.

  • Easy said:

    Sounds like she has been trained with a different sort of disability or children and doesnt really understand you.

     

    I agree with this bit but I don't think just waiting to see will do anything.  I agree with hohner's suggestion about talking to the key worker. If she has not had the training she is unlikely to just pick it up.

  • I disagree Easy, a leopard never changes its spots. What you get from the start, is what you get always. Never be fooled by things will get better(hope), just MAKE THINGS BETTER, by cutting out the mental cancer, it is that simple !

    This support worker has a detrimental affect on Hope, no explanation is really needed as to why or how so,, it just is the case and her choice is to say NO THANKYOU. To wait and see is just stress increasing strategy and with Autism, we are just prone to lock in and a possible abusive relationship forming. The insensitive support worker needs to GO !

  • Sounds like she has been trained with a different sort of disability or children and doesnt really understand you.

    Give her a chance, as she gets to know you maybe she will get better,

    or maybe she will say something dumb and you can get her sacked.

    Anyway for now just try to get along.

  • hi Hope - I think Hohner makes a good suggestion when she says talk to your key  worker about the other support worker. Explain just as your have in this post about what bothers you about her.   Some support workers are more intuitive + kind than others.  I don't know how long she's been your support worker.  If she's fairly new then things may improve with time as you get to know each other better.  However, she may not be the right person for you. As Hohner says, it's her personality.  However she may be able to learn how to support you better + improve on things, especially if your key worker talks to her + gives her guidance. Why did she offer to help with your trolley + then comment as she did?  My guess is that she felt she had to help but didn't really want to.  She was in a situation where she knew you both had to get home so she had no choice.  As I said, this is my guess so that's all it is.  Does she have a point about walking home in the dark with a heavy trolley?  Maybe.  Some areas aren't as safe as others, but I don't know if that applies to your area.  Good luck.  I hope she learns how to support you better.

  • Through the eyes of autism I can see the many hurdles you talk about, you needed time to adjust to your the other support worker., you are trying to adapt at the same time to environmental changes and social changes.

    I believe the number one, requirement for an autism support worker is the "TOTAL" listening ability and to allow the autism client to be in control so that stress is less. She should just be a shining light so you follow your own course not hers.

    Honest talk to your other support worker about the problem with the other support, per say, she is not the problem really, it is her nature, it is just we are sensitive to the non-sensitive stimulas off "COOF" support workers.