Do you Internalise or Mask or both ?

Hi Turtle,

I'm not sure if I agree with this whole concept of masking as something specific to autism. For me, masking, as it is usually described, is probably something that is common to all humans. Everyone does it to a lesser or greater extent; concealing one's emotions or portraying oneself as someone different in order to be accepted and avoid rejection, seems a pretty common trait in all people regardless of their age, creed or disability.  Do some people do it more than others? Definitely. Do autistic people do it more than non-autistic people? I don't know. 

I think we definitely do. I change who I am so frequently and sometimes in the same day, to the extent that I don't know who I am. I have moved around a bit and I've changed my accent to blend in. I have no sense of who I am in my likes and dislikes because I take on the likes of the people that I like. 

You are right that everyone masks, especially when meeting new people, but I think autistic people mask to the detriment of their own mental wellbeing. I do anyway. 

Hi Hook,

I find it fascinating. I remember you mentioned it before.

I'm inclined to think that what you describe in yourself is common to most people (I think) to some degree. They all make micro adjustments to their behaviour (and/or language) in order to blend in with the environment they find themselves in. It's a basic evolutionary survival strategy, going back to ancient times, when standing out too much could make us a moving target, or worse—some hungry beastie's dinner!

I see it a lot in people, this adaptive behaviour, and it ranges from the very common 'putting on a phone voice' to the more severe 'taking on the views, mannerisms and speech patterns of our partner/significant other'. 

There's a very strong biological aspect to this too. My sisters all tell me that their menstrual cycles sync up with other females they live with and it's not a conscious decision on their part, it's something the body does naturally.

What I am inclined to think, though, is that as neurodivergents we're more aware of doing it than NTs; we do it consciously—perhaps to a greater extent over longer period—hence the reason it exhausts us. Whereas, for the most part, NTs are unaware of doing it until someone points it out to them. And they do it for shorter periods.

I dunno. It's a fascinating subject at any rate.

I think for some people, masking is about reputation, whereas for others it's about getting by.

Probably, but I think the flipside of this is that NT people often then begin to normalise our often very stressful traits by saying things like "everyone is a bit autistic" or other minimalising things like that.

I've just realised I'm still calling you Hook! And you've changed your name to Michelle.

I agree with you. It's possible that there is less need for NTs to sustain this kind of behaviour because the 'threats' they face in most environments are less pronounced. They can usually feel comfortable in an environment after a relatively shorter period of time. It's only when new people enter a situation that some of them revert to putting on a false persona or masking in some way  

I'm sure that for many autistic people the need to mask is much greater because we rarely feel comfortable in the NT environments we have to navigate and survive in, so we are never allowed to drop the masks we create.

I can relate very much to what you say. I do it all the time too, sometimes without knowing. I change my voice, sometimes in very subtle ways, sometimes dramatically; I change my physicality too—and all as an adaptive reaction to the situation I find myself in and/or in the people I am with. 

What I'm not convinced of, though, is that it's a phenomenon unique to autistic people. It may be that it is certainly more pronounced in autistic people, but I would question whether it is unique to us.

My thought is that everyone does it to some degree, whereas, for some of us, like you and I, we do it a lot and for longer periods.

x

I think NTs seem to reach a point where they are comfortable with people and can be themselves, even if they hold back some of what they think because they recognise it may hurt or offend. 

I feel like I spend life playing different characters. Even at home I think I mask because I'm rarely alone due to having a husband and children, and they have expectations of me that should be relatively straight forward to fill, like showing love to my children, but they are still tasks I find difficult to honestly fulfil without being to the detriment of myself. 

I think NTs seem to reach a point where they are comfortable with people and can be themselves, even if they hold back some of what they think because they recognise it may hurt or offend. 

I feel like I spend life playing different characters. Even at home I think I mask because I'm rarely alone due to having a husband and children, and they have expectations of me that should be relatively straight forward to fill, like showing love to my children, but they are still tasks I find difficult to honestly fulfil without being to the detriment of myself. 

I think for some people, masking is about reputation, whereas for others it's about getting by.

Probably, but I think the flipside of this is that NT people often then begin to normalise our often very stressful traits by saying things like "everyone is a bit autistic" or other minimalising things like that.

I've just realised I'm still calling you Hook! And you've changed your name to Michelle.

I agree with you. It's possible that there is less need for NTs to sustain this kind of behaviour because the 'threats' they face in most environments are less pronounced. They can usually feel comfortable in an environment after a relatively shorter period of time. It's only when new people enter a situation that some of them revert to putting on a false persona or masking in some way  

I'm sure that for many autistic people the need to mask is much greater because we rarely feel comfortable in the NT environments we have to navigate and survive in, so we are never allowed to drop the masks we create.

I can relate very much to what you say. I do it all the time too, sometimes without knowing. I change my voice, sometimes in very subtle ways, sometimes dramatically; I change my physicality too—and all as an adaptive reaction to the situation I find myself in and/or in the people I am with. 

What I'm not convinced of, though, is that it's a phenomenon unique to autistic people. It may be that it is certainly more pronounced in autistic people, but I would question whether it is unique to us.

My thought is that everyone does it to some degree, whereas, for some of us, like you and I, we do it a lot and for longer periods.

x